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I love this memoir my Sookybear, I love you. Thank you so much, for always being my PROTECTOR and GUARDIAN. I am so lucky to have you. I wonder if it is some sort of constant Karmic force, where the people remain the same, only the time and places change? Maybe each time the “Kidnapper” is the same person, each time forcing his EVIL ways, through time, space, and so on? Only the circumstances and venues are more seemingly comfortable, and unsuspecting. I love my Sookybear! Thank you! Podmates, Twinflames, Bear Pact Forever and a day! 121212.


What an astute observation on Twinklebear’s part! “Twinklebear” is my Twin Flame love. My last memoir, “Protector” as you know, featured my role as Twinklebear’s guardian and protector in past lives and this life. When I read her insightful comment, my mind flashed to two significant threats to her health and life in the past—and to be clear, when I say “past” in this context I mean the past in this life, not in past lives.

Really, when I thought about it, these threats struck me as “Medusan” in nature. They represented two deadly snakes growing from a malignant Gorgonic Medusan Head of evil, that might have preexisted in our past lives together. As you know from reading “Protector,” I saved her from from an abductor in late 11th to early 12th century Mongolia. This human evil snake I rescued her from was an outgrowth of the Medusan Head of evil that might be chronic threat to Twinklbear’s well-being. As Twinklebear said, “…the people remain the same, only the time and places change…”

In this lifetime, there was a very clear threat to Twinklbear’s health and indeed life, which I helped save her from—which you can read about Here. This deadly snake of a malignancy growing from the Medusan Head of evil however, was only one of the two threats to Twinklebear from her past. The other one had a human head.

In retrospect with the help of Twinklbear’s observation, I recognize this other threat to her well-being from her past as a human snakehead. As I have said in past memoirs, I will not get into specifics to protect our privacy. But I can tell you that this person was and is a malignancy as dark and malevolent as that cancer that we beat. They are from one and the same dark evil force.

In 11th century Asia, fierce Mongol warriors rode horses and slung deadly arrows from their mounts. They also committed wholesale slaughter and indulged in the wanton abduction of women. Things have change since then, but as Twinklebear said, “…each time the kidnapper is the same person…forcing his evil ways….only the venues are more seemingly comfortable, and unsuspecting…” In the 21st century, abductors masquerade as friendly beings, only to slowly unmask as time rolls on, after their deceit has worked.

In the present, the abduction of women may take on subtler overtones. The weapon of choice is not the bow and arrow, but rather the velvet hammer of insidious deception. The men who inflict hurt and harm on women in this century, leave persistent wounds on their emotional abductees. The kidnapping process may have been quick in the 11th century and prolonged in the 21st century, but the deleterious effects on women is what they have in common.

In this era of electric lights, gaslight still remains hugely useful to the evil practitioners of the dark arts of women abuse. Other dark tools of this devious trade would make psychological warfare experts jealous. Intimidation, projection and constant repression form the modern day bondage of women, as effective as the ropes and cages of the 11th century.


Psychologists use the term “gaslighting” to refer to a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. And it’s always a serious problem, according to psychologists. It may start out with seemingly small offenses. But the problem is that even more-or-less insignificant instances of you questioning your own judgment or reality — thanks to the deliberate intent of someone else — can snowball. You can end up in a cycle of not being able to negotiate your daily life in a way where you are clear minded, can focus, can make sound decisions, and have a sense of well-being.

There usually tends to be a power dynamic when gaslighting happens. The manipulator holds enough power that the target of the gaslighting is terrified to change the relationship or step out of the gaslighting dynamic because the threat of losing that relationship — or the threat of being seen as less than who you want to be seen as to them — is quite a threat. If it’s happening by someone you love and care about, you’re going to WANT to believe the other person — and the gaslighter may use that against you. Be wary of gaslighting if you start to question yourself a lot. Watch out for these:

Withholding (meaning he or she refuses to listen or says they don’t understand).
Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event). Blocking/diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking). Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant). Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to).

And note that a gaslighter will oftentimes start with something that is true that you might be particularly sensitive about to hook you. You’re constantly second guessing yourself or have trouble making decisions. You’re ruminating about a perceived character flaw (like being too sensitive or not a good enough person) In a confrontation with the person that might be gaslighting you, you feel like you suddenly find yourself in an argument you didn’t intend to have, you’re not making progress or you’re saying the same thing over and over again and not being heard. You’re frequently making excuses for your partner’s behavior.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever
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During my martial arts teaching days.



A protector’s primary interest is in the safety and security of the person or persons they care about. Protectors have an extraordinary sense of loyalty and responsibility in their makeup, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can shield others from the dirt and dangers of the world. Speculating and experimenting do not intrigue Protectors, who prefer to make do with time-honored and time-tested procedures rather than change to new.

At work Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. Protectors value tradition. They are not as outgoing and talkative as others, and their shyness is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves.

Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone. In positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible.


If you read through these memoirs, you will read about one specific recurrent dream that Twinklebear has had since her teenage years, about a man she has recognized as me, rescuing her from a kidnapper in an early century in Asia. The specifics of this recurrent dream, have been amazingly consistent over the years. Interestingly, one detail that Twinklebear has had in these dreams that she paid little attention to, was of an older woman who also helped to shield her from harm.

The most fascinating aspect of this detail in Twinklebear’s recurrent dream, is an epiphany Twinklbear had just last year, about this woman. Twinklebear realized that this woman was my mother. You can read about this realization in Memoir: Candy Connection. Like many significant latent memories in the Twin Flame world, Twinklebear’s memory of this was triggered by a photograph of my home in Queens, New York. When Twinklebear saw the photo, she recognized my house as the one in her dream, “Where an older Chinese woman pulled me inside,” as Twinklebear states it. In her recurrent dream, my mother pulled Twinklebear inside this house to hide her from the abductors who were chasing her.

Of great significance, this recurrent dream that Twinklebear has had since her teen years, abruptly stopped when she met me in 2015, as if she had been waiting for my arrival in her life—and when I did, it was a signal that I was her rescuer in her dreams—and her guardian and protector now. I can flatly say now, that I have been sent here to protect my Twinklebear. Sent by whom? It is a very mysterious question that speaks to the spiritual realm. But after all, what is the Twin Flame phenomenon but a spiritual matter?

Twin flames are two separate souls that was a single soul cleaved in half at the beginning of time by a Higher Power. This created two separate people, two souls known as “Twin Flames.” Who else could that Higher Entity be but God? I accept that. The purported purpose of this cleaving of one soul was to create two separate souls, who would be the perfect mate to the other.

If we can accept the validity of these premises, then certainly we can accept that a Twin Flame could be sent to Earth—purposed as it were—to serve a specific role in the life and lives of his or her Twin Flame. In my and Twinklebear’s case, that would be plural, because I have served as her protector in past lives as well as in this life. It is clear from the recurrent dreams, latent memories and retrocognitive visions and dreams, that I have been “sent here” to protect my Twinklebear. Lets not forget about the “coincidences” in our Twin Flame journey, that remind of this adage:

There are no coincidences in the Twin Flame world.

Here’s one of our “coincidences.” It has been well established that a great many men in Asia, are directly descended from Temujin (Genghis Khan). However, how many of those millions of men of Asian descent, have the nickname of “Genghis” as I have had since my early 20s (“Genghis” was a life long biker nickname bestowed upon me by another biker way back when, and “Sookybear” is a nickname Twinklebear gave me three years ago)? Not many. What does my nickname have to do with coincindences? Just this—Twinklebear has had a deep life long interest in Genghis Khan.

Twinklebear has had an inexplicable fascination with Genghis Khan from an early age, incongruous with her tender age when it took hold. Described in many of the earlier memoirs, is the humorous childhood scene of Twinklebear demanding books about Genghis Khan from her mum in book stores. I can picture her stamping her little bratty feet at the age of eight. Ha! So cute! I find it hilarious that she did this, when other eight year old girls wanted coloring books and a box of crayons. All of these “coincidences” in our Twin Flame journey, I see as “evidence.” Yes, evidence confirmatory of true Twin Flames and my role as her protector. She said to me this morning, “You are so kind and protective.” That comment alone, set the subject agenda for this memoir.

I do not underestimate the importance of my protector role in Twinklebear’s life as an integral part of our Twin Flame Dynamic. Twin Flame relationships for every Twin Flame couple, have their own “Twin Flame Dynamic,” and this protector relationship is to a large degree, ours. It is what makes us unique in that the precedence for it—as it has for other Twin Flames but perhaps in different ways for them—occurred decades, perhaps centuries or millennia ago in the past for Twinklebear and me.

The late 11th to early 12th century precedent for us that occurred in a place like Mongolia, that was encapsulated so accurately in Twinklebear’s life long recurrent dream about me—set the stage for future lifetimes for us, from that point onward. Add in all of the other coincidental pieces of evidence, and we have emerging a highly provocative picture of past, present and future.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
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Twinklebear with her naturally curly hair.

ME: “Your hair looks beautiful, Baby!”

TWINKLEBEAR: “Really my Sookybear? I don’t know why. I didn’t do anything with it.”

ME: “I like it like that, you look gorgeous!”

TWINKLEBEAR: “Thank you. I know you like it curly.”


My Twin Flame “Twinklebear” and I have a Facebook social group called Twin Flames Forever and a Day. This is a group for people who are seriously interested in the Twin Flame phenomenon. At this group, I post links to these memoirs I write. When I post links to our memoirs, a “preview” appears with a “thumbnail” of whatever photo I’ve chosen to accompany and illustrate the article. I’ve noticed that whenever I use a photo that does not feature Twinklebear, that half the number of visitors actually open and read the memoirs, compared to when I use a photo of Twinklebear.

That’s a two-to-one ratio, “Twinklebear photo”-to-“generic photo” comparison! The conclusion is inescapable. People naturally react to Twinkle’s natural beauty. Her natural beauty is such, that they react viscerally without even being aware of it. I cannot even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I am by her natural beauty. My God! So beautiful!

WARNING: This memoir is a Sugar Bomb! Guaranteed to give you diabetes, when the contents go off—so soppy and sweet! Ha! Look out!

What is a visceral reaction? “Visceral” means a “gut-reaction,” and refers to the “viscera,” which consists of one’s abdominal area. I also react to Twinklebear’s astounding beauty viscerally, but being her Twin Flame, I do so in a deeper and more intense way. You might say that my visceral reaction extends further down a few inches below my abdomen, where there is an autonomic response. Heh…I can hear Twinklebear’s voice so clearly now, in that sexy clipped Hastonian accent of hers….

“Sookybear! You bad boy! ‘DONK’…”

All kidding aside, it is worthwhile examining what beauty is, and how people perceive it in each other. In this case, I would like to analyze how Twinklebear and I perceive each other’s appearance. I would like to begin by stating without an iota of embarrassment, that we spend an inordinate amount of time gazing into each other’s faces. This up close appreciation of each other produces exclamations of, “You are so beautiful!” and “You are so handsome!”

I don’t know about my appearance but it should be obvious to anyone who has functional eyes and a half a brain, that Twinklebear is a beautiful woman in the classical sense. An old friend of mine was so struck by her eyes, that he commented, “She has oceans for eyes”—meaning that one can get lost in them. Believe it or not, Twinklebear and I actually think we look quite similar when we examine each other’s features (one thing we agree on, is that our mouths are uncannily identical, especially when we smile or laugh). One telling remark that Twinklebear began making about me over three years ago, is significant:

“You’re so handsome! You are so symmetrical!”

Sure, go ahead and laugh if you want. At first I thought her remark was odd, but now I get the significance of it. Twinklebear is brilliant beyond belief, far more brilliant than she even knows. She hits on the validity of ideas organically, with episodes of instant cerebral recognition. Look at this:


In ancient Greece, Helen of Troy, the instigator of the Trojan War, was the paragon of beauty, exuding a physical brilliance….she was the toast of Athens, celebrated….for her physical perfection. But why did the Greek men find Helen, and other beautiful women, so intoxicating? In an attempt to answer this question, the philosophers of the day devoted a great deal of time to this conundrum.

Plato wrote of so-called “golden proportions,” in which, amongst other things, the width of an ideal face would be two-thirds its length, while a nose would be no longer than the distance between the eyes. Plato’s golden proportions, however, haven’t quite held up to the rigors of modern psychological and biological research — though there is credence in the ancient Greeks’ attempts to determine a fundamental symmetry that humans find attractive. Symmetry is attractive to the human eye

Today, this symmetry has been scientifically proven to be inherently attractive to the human eye. It has been defined not with proportions, but rather with similarity between the left and right sides of the face Thus, the Greeks were only partially correct. By applying the stringent conditions of the scientific method, researchers now believe symmetry is the answer the Greeks were looking for.

To that I say to Twinklebear, “Hey Baby! You are so symmetrical, you sexy thing!” It is good to be validated by scientific double blind studies, no? Analyses of facial symmetry aside, looking at my Twinklebear makes my Twin Flame heart beat a lot faster. Who needs aerobic exercise, hey? I Just have to be reminded once in a while, that Twinklebear’s eyes are “up here!” “DONK”

Come to think of it, Twinklebear is quite symmetrical “down here” as well. Hey, I’d better quit while I’m ahead and still alive. Now, now my Twinklbear…put that Donking Rolling Pin down…you wouldn’t wanna spoil my facial symmetry, would you? Ha!


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pacr Forever
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Our Twin Flame journey is like trains on three tracks.

I tend to think in analogies, especially when something I’m trying to encapsulate is complex. Analogizing it allows my mind to organize it and grasp it more readily, in a succinct manner. This is particularly true of my Twin Flame journey with my Twin, “Twinklebear”—that it is complex. What makes it complex is that Twinklebear lives in England while I live in New York. Before my Twinklebear, I have never been in a long distance relationship.

Being in two different countries is like being trains on three separate tracks. In our two separate existences in two different localities, we are two trains on the outside tracks. But when we communicate by either text or video calling, our two trains converge and join on the central track, and travel as one train. I suppose that a parallel could be drawn between our logistical situation and a husband and wife who both go to work, and then rejoin in the evening. However, the fact that my Twinklebear and I cannot come together again in the evening, exaggerates the “two trains on three tracks” feeling. Twinklebear captured this feeling perfectly three years ago, when she said….

“I feel like a war bride!”

I love my Twinklebear so much. We have these heart rending conversations on occasion—the feeling is ever present, although it would be too painful to say it all the time—about how we wish with all our hearts that we could be living together. I have stated in past articles that I won’t be specific as to the reasons why we can’t, to preserve our privacy and I will abide by that.

Twinklebear and I wish we could be living together.

In the meantime, we are like two trains existing on three tracks. What we would like of course, is to join and become one train on that central track. After all, this is how we began at the beginning of time, when the One Soul that we were, was split into two by God. According to the Bible, God did this to 72,000 single souls to produce 144,000 people who would have the perfect mate somewhere in the world. This is by definition what “Twin Flames” are. Perfectly matched mates whose destiny is to reunite at some point.

It is only Twin Flames as couples, that enjoy perfect compatibility, the most intense feelings of love and need for each other, and a psychic link that enables synchronicity of thought and feeling. Twin Flames are often reincarnated spouses, who lived past lives together. In current times, Twin Flame partners instantly and intensely “know” each other when they first meet—as the residua of past lives lived together.

This is reinforced by recurrent dreams of the other from the past, and retrocognitive visions Latent memories of past lives together, are also a powerful reminder of why Twins “know each other so well,” immediately after they meet. For people who’ve just met, they are for all intents and purposes–strangers. Twinklebear’s and my Twin Flame journey, are rife with incredible examples of these phenomena. You would have to search through all of the memoirs I’ve written, to get an idea of the wide ranging scope of these.

I will give you one example. Since the age of around 15, Twinklebear has had the same recurrent dream about me, in which I rescued her from kidnappers in another life. This dream was so complete, even my mother appeared in them. When I say “recurrent dream” I’m not kidding. The dream was always the same. She had this same dream several times a year, until we met three and half years ago. That’s right. The dreams stopped cold, right after we met. Wait, there’s more.

This dream took place in a place like Mongolia in the 13th century. My nickname since I was in my 20s, is “Genghis” as in Genghis Khan. Also, Twinklebear had a fixation on Genghis Khan since an early age, when she pestered her Mum for biographies of Genghis Khan at the age of 8 (most kids of 8 ask for coloring books). All coincidence? I don’t think so.

Being true Twin Flames is the only only explanation for their foreknowledge of each other. This is indeed, the first clue to Twins, that they are Twin Flames. In our case, we did not even know what “Twin Flames” are. We were just so gobsmacked by how well we knew each other immediately. It was only researching this phenomenon of “knowing each other” that led us to learn what Twin Flames are. There is one comforting thought for us. Twinklebear and I know, that we are destined to be together, and that it will happen.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
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I so want to be with my Twin Flame Twinklebear

I have a confession to make. Many times when I write, I do so in order to not go crazy. This is one of those times. This accounts for my writing coming so painfully close to the surface of full disclosure, when it comes to chronicling my Twin Flame journey with Twinklebear. But it will never be total disclosure in these memoirs, so as to protect our privacy.

The issues between us that are the most painful, occasionally break the surface like a great white shark, sticking its predatory nose where it is not wanted. This then causes a conflict between acute emotions of want and the need to be together, with the inability to do so right now. Then the question becomes an unambiguously pointed, “Then when?” We had such a pointed moment this morning. I am loathe to discuss this in public, but it is said that confession is good for the soul.

PSALM 119:26
Open confession is good for the soul. Nothing brings more ease and more life to a man than frank acknowledgement…

You already know from previous installments that Twinklebear lives in England while I live in New York, so that would not be a new acknowledgement. I will tell you though, that we have been trying to physically reunite for the past three and half years. To see each other, feel each other, would be heaven. We had two such chances last year, when this might have been possible. But The Fates would not cooperate for a 2018 reunification.

The first of two chances we had was in April 2018, but that chance was stunted by circumstances that involved an obstinate employer. This was compounded by a travel friend of Twinklebear’s who could not come to America with Twinklebear at that particular time of year. So when this trip was canceled, we made tentative plans for Twinklebear to travel to New York last November.

Unfortunately, Fate has a cruel sense of timing and humor, because in August 2018, I had to have a hip replacement surgery done. The rehab involved meant months of work when I could not walk normally. It was uncertain to me, when I would be able to walk and therefore get around well enough to see my beloved Twinklebear if she was here in New York.

Human frailty and unforeseen mitigating circumstances have played a role in causing us the pain resulting from our not having been able to physically reunite. I won’t lie to you–it does hurt, very much, not to be with her.

I will not deny that my rehab introduced psychological factors of self-doubt and a diminishing of self-confidence in terms of mobility, and I believe that is normal. That in itself, discouraged me from talking about concrete plans to reschedule Twinklebear’s visit to New York. Someone who loses his normal mobility loses some of his sense of “self” and that sense has to be rehabilitated along with one’s physical conditioning. Rehabilitation from hip replacement is both physical and mental.

My silence about her potential trip to New York had nothing to do with a diminution of my desire to see her here. It only had to do with “feeling like myself again,” which took a hit from my surgery. But when emotions of need are running high on both sides, things can become misconstrued.

I have said previously that these memoirs are therapeutic, not only for me but for Twinklbear as well. They also can serve another purpose, as this memoir does. My writing about my thoughts and feelings can dispel any misconceptions my Twin might have. For example, my reluctance to openly discuss when to reschedule her visit to New York, I believe she misconstrued to mean that “I didn’t want her to come.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

I remain optimistic. Even though my rehab has been delayed by some setbacks, it continues forward. But my mobility is only one factor in allowing us to fulfill our physical reunification. I am optimistic, because of the surety of the love that Twinklebear and I have, and that love is forever. In the meantime, my writing is my way of dealing with my pain and frustration.

I write therefore I am sane.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
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Twinklebear has incredible natural beauty.

noun. the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness.

Okay, so I’m human. While I am ultimately concerned with the higher spiritual reaches of my Twin Flame journey with my Twinklebear, I have to admit that I am constantly love struck by her natural good looks. She makes my Alpha Male instincts alive again, which have been dulled in modern man since Neanderthal days. And my Alpha Male instincts definitely spike, when I look at Twinklebear.

My God, she is one hot lookin’ woman!

So, you’ll pardon me if I occasionally go off the rails, and write about what I call Twinklebear’s more base charms that appeal to my Alpha Maleness. Actually, “appeal to” is just a euphemism for “turns me on.” I know, Twin Flames are supposed to live in Polite Society. So sue me, okay?

I can’t help it. Blame it on my being hardwired like any red-blooded male, to react to the incredible beauty that my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” possesses. When I look at her, it is like a fuse in my mind’s sensuality center is ignited. When the fuse’s burning culminates at the terminal point, I go….”KABLOOM!”….with a seismographic spurt. Think “magnitude 7” on the Richter Scale.

Yet, to hear her self-assessment of her appearance, she seems almost dumbfounded and distinctly embarrassed, that I would allude to her incredible beauty. When I call her beautiful, I almost expect her to swivel her head around to look for who I’m really talking about! Bad girl! Ha! She’ll never really realize how beautiful she is.

My Twinklebear has a healthy modesty that is wholly out of proportion to how she appears. Normally, a woman as beautiful and sexy looking as she, is insufferably conceited and full of herself. Not my Twinklebear. And I’m glad. She is so genuine.

She has a depth to her that is wholly appropriate to her genuineness, if incongruous with her beauty. In popular culture, women who look as gorgeous as Twinklebear are iconized and put on a pedestal, for the right or wrong reasons.

That’s what many don’t get about Twinklebear. She has a brilliant mind that suggests that she should according to popular stereotyping, should look like a nerd with a genius IQ.

So, this memoir is a succinct paean to both her beautiful mind and character, as well as her ultra-feminine charms. I love you, my AC Twinklebear, you sexy and smart thing! I know, your “eyes are up here.” “DONK” “Owwww! YOU!”


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
12 12 12 in every way


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Twinklebear’s sentiments mirror mine, apropos of “Twins.”


“My parents will call anyone displaying overly sentimental behaviour – such as crying at a film – a soppy date. I’ve picked it up, of course, but I think by and large it’s people of pre-war vintage who use the phrase. I say ‘pre-war vintage’, but my father put it rather better at a family party while discussing 1930s art with a member of the younger generation: he referred to himself as a genuine piece of Art Deco.

I’m not exactly sure where the ‘date’ part comes in but the phrase is or was current enough to merit inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary as a term of ‘affectionate abuse’. Although its currency is obviously wider, I’ve known it mostly as a family phrase because I’ve really missed out on all the jocular things people say to each other in the background and so don’t really know how common the phrase is now.”

“I’m so into you.”

“I’m so drawn to you.”


Early on in our Twin Flame journey, my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” said that we were “soppy dates.” At that time, I did not know what this British slang (Twinklebear is English and I am American) meant. This happens from time to time in our wonderful conversations, and these slight differences between the British and American popular language are fascinating to us. These small differences not only spark interesting dialogue between us, they also make each of us examine the origins of slang more thoroughly.

Twinklebear then explained to me that a “soppy date” is a person who is demonstrably romantic or sentimental. I’ve gotta tell ya, that’s Twinklebear and I to a T. Take for example, two quotes of Twinklebear’s that I pointed out. In January of 2016 she said to me, “I’m so into you.” A couple of days ago, almost three and half years after she said that, she said, “I’m so drawn to you.”

What do you notice about these two offhanded utterances? They are obviously very similar, in that they express a very specific mindset, couched in quite similar language. Looking further into the nuances of these two statements, what do they tell us about said mindset? It is the language of the romantically infatuated. I will also say that, “I’m so drawn to you” is not something a person more than three years into a romantic relationship, would say. “I’m so drawn to you” is uttered by a person who is in the grip of full-fledged, crazy-in-love-frenzy.

Noun. A intense but short-lived passion for someone.

We all know what romantic infatuation is. Another slang phrase for it is “puppy love,” bringing to mind two love-struck teens, destined to fall desperately in love only to fall inevitably out of love, three weeks later. My point about Twinklebear and I is, we are neither teens nor has it been three weeks since we fell desperately in love.

It has been over three years since we fell head over heels, madly in love.

And we have not shown any signs of slowing down. If anything, we are more desperately in love now, than over three years ago. If we were soppy dates three years ago, then we are more “soppy” now—and getting soppier by the day. Given the upward trajectory of our “soppy datedness,” we needed life vests three years ago—and now might need a full-sized ocean-going raft to stay above the sop.

It is amazingly unembarrassing for me to admit how soppy and romantic we are. Four years ago for me, it would have been unthinkable to admit such a strong romantic streak of behavior and talk. Before Twinklebear and I met, admitting such a thing would have been the equivalent of me wearing a poodle skirt and a blouse with kittens on it! Hey! Watch it! I can hear you! Ha!

But I am not embarrassed at all. What my Twin Flame and I have in terms of soppiness, is overtly miraculous, wonderful in the fullest sense of the word and like food, water and air to me now. I don’t mind telling people that Twinklebear and I tell each other “I love you” twenty times a day, and mean it with a full song of the heart playing in the background, every single time.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
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Writing about one’s Twin Flame journey yields insight.


Dawna Kevorkian‎
May 19, 2019

I am beginning to realize that if I look deeper….that I am actually the runner in the TF journey. By me not believing that he could be in love with me I am not allowing him in. My heart is guarded, unopened, disbelieving. He came back many times. I never believed he would even come back once yet he keeps trying to come in….I am unallowing of it. So he turns around and walks away coming back each time in hopes that I will finally be ready for this love, be accepting of its true nature.

But my wounded heart repels, unhealed, and guarded in nature. Unable to wrap my head around the depth of this connection. Thinking I’m the one that has an understanding of it but in truth in reality he gets it, I don’t.

And so he is showing by his actions of coming back over and over that he is giving in to the magnetism of the connection/the belief/the understanding, and I stand here in disbelief, unaccepting of his reach. I need to realize/be accountable for my negative frequency that is not open to this love and therefore repelling it….This is meant for me to step up to the plate and look at my wounding that is blocking this connection.


It occurred to while reading Dawna’s post, that writing about one’s Twin Flame experiences is a valuable exercise in introspection. Writing about it stimulates thought which leads to insight regarding this highly complex phenomenon. The Twin Flame journey is intrinsically foreign to normal human experience. In a sense Twin Flames are pioneers in these journeys, every time they are reincarnated into the same lifetimes as their Twins. Every journey is new, all Twins, even if they’d lived past lives together—are neophytes all over again.

My Twin “Twinklebear” and I have had past lives as husband and wife, although we are unclear about how many. Even though we have innate knowledge of each other and what our past lives were like through latent memories, and retrocognitive dreams and visions—each time we were born into the same lifetime and found each other again, was a brand new ballgame in which we had to figure out the rules all over again.

We had to undergo all of the early phases of the Twin Flame journey such as discovery, denial and “running” and finally acceptance and adjustment as if for the first time. Twinklebear and I feel fortunate that we had passed these early phases that Dawna is apparently dealing with now. For us, the denial and “running”, are more than three and a half years in our rear view mirror. We passed the “Acceptance” sign over three years ago, on this Twin Flame motorway.

I believe that the rest of Twin Flames’ lives after “acceptance” is achieved, is a continuous “adjustment phase.” Regardless of which phase Twins finds themselves in, writing about one’s journey is a therapeutic tool which is used to gain insight through introspection.

With respect to these memoirs I write, they deal with the idealism of the Twin Flame journey, but they also provide introspective insight into what makes a Twin couple “tick.” Ordinary chronicling of daily events, gives insight and ultimately guidance, to what gives success in the Twin Flame journey.

An example is what happened to Twinklebear and I in the past week. Now, Twinklebear lives in England while I am in New York. Even though our Twin Flame connection is strong and we can sense and feel the emotions and thoughts of the other to an astonishing degree across the Atlantic Ocean—the psychic communication is not perfect. That is why video calling is so valuable tool for us in terms of being with each other.

Actually seeing and hearing each other in real time via digital tablets, super-enhanced by our strong Twin Flames connection—renders every video call 95% as real as if we were next to each other. We actually have “tactile” sensations of the other during video calling, that are real and palpable. That’s how strong our Twin Flame connection is.

In the past week, Twinklebear had some crises in her life in England, forcing her to spend inordinate amounts of time dealing with them. This displaced our normal time allotted for our video calling. Whenever this happens to one of us and our video calling time—which for all intents and purposes considering our logistical problem is our daily life together is curtailed—the other Twin feels worried.

An example of this was when I was suddenly hospitalized last year for a couple weeks, and Twinklebear and I could not video call. When that happened, Twinklebear felt out of her mind with worry. It was my turn last week when Twinklebear’s problems prevented our video calling. I felt awful, not being able to see her and talk to her! I felt so worried!

I find that my writing about our Twin Flame journey, includes more and more actual daily event information, as I find that it gives me greater insight into how we act and deal with problems. Writing about problems that occur, gives me a chance to forensically examine how Twinklebear and I dealt with problems.

This is not only reassuring, it also provides a template for how to deal with such problems in the future. Yesterday when Twinklebear’s problems in England quieted down. We finally had time to video call, she said to me….

“My Sookybear, I know you too well. I can tell that something is bothering you. You cannot hide it from me, you bad boy! So…what’s wrong? Unlike with other people who are self-absorbed, you and I always talk things over, then we ‘even out’ and things smooth out”

How wise she is! I said, “My Twinklebear, I’ve been feeling that were drifting because we could not video call last week (“drifting” is our personal slang word meaning a loss of the feeling of our connection)….our communication was down to next to nothing last week!” My anxiety was was palpable in my voice, and visible on my face. My wise Twin then said to me….

“My Sookybear, you silly billy! I love you so much. I just had to deal with these problems here. Awww…my poor baby! I love you!”

When she said that and after we commiserated with each other, consoling each other with words of love, I felt such a rush of warmth and love in my whole body—that I’m sure her pure love was shot into my heart and soul like a loving arrow. My anxiety fell from an “8” on a scale of one to ten to zero immediately. Writing about it now, reiterates such a clear idea of the pure love and kindness between us, that this memoir in itself is a lesson for the future.

Every time Twin Flames gain insight during the Twin Flame journey during a given lifetime, it is a small victory in a series of victories within that lifetime. Writing about our Twin Flame journey, accrues such victories of knowledge and understanding, with every memoir I write.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


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As you know from “Transatlantic Twin Flame Cable,” my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” and I have this bond that is spiritually based—and is a bond that we were born with. This is a bond that all Twin Flames have, for it was established at the beginning of time, when the two Twins were split apart from one single soul.

This occurred to 72,000 single souls (according to biblical sources), resulting in the 144,000 separate Twins that are destined to try to reunite with their Twins. Some are lucky like Twinklebear and I, who have been able to reincarnate into the same lifetime together and find each other.

However, I have long felt that Twinklebear and I have an even more special bond—beyond the inherent bond that all Twin Flames are born with. For reference, let’s call the ordinary bond that all Twin Flames are born with, the “base bond.” It is the “default” bond that Twin Flames are privileged to have due to their shared soul DNA from the same single soul. But above and beyond that “base” or “default” bond, is a bonding of unlimited scope that Twinklebear and I achieved. Here’s what caused this extra special bonding between us:

It was us fighting off sheer terror together, for an extended period of time.

Allow me to back up, to give you a look at the big picture. Twinklebear and I reconnected around September of 2015. Through serendipity and perhaps as part of a Grand Design (which I believe), we found each other–and we lived 3,000 miles away from each other, she in England and I in New York.

Through a feeling out process at the beginning, we each felt that there was something there. Something that bespoke of a knowing of each other, from past experiences together. These past experiences were lived as spouses in past lives. The feeling was strong that the underlying knowledge of each other, was a template for living a continuation of the previous life together, in the present.

We knew each other’s sense of humor. We knew the deep sensuality with each other. We knew that we trusted each other implicitly in the past, and this triggered events in this lifetime that reestablished this basic intrinsic mutual trust.

In this very early period of late 2015 into the summer of 2016, our communication was lighthearted, yet serious. We explored this “thing” that we knew was a special bond, and later identified it as we being “Twin Flames.” Before this revelation, we did not even know what Twin Flames were.

The playfulness, the heavy sexuality, the melancholy from our arrangement not being ideal, the commitment to never part—it was all there by the summer of 2016. But certain phenomena began happening, which caused this “special bonding” beyond the base Twin Flame bond to form for us.

It was after the summer of 2016, when Twinklebear began to experience intermittent “spotting,” as if her hormones were slightly out of whack. We weren’t too alarmed at first, but we were alarmed. This episodic bleeding was infrequent enough then, to convince us that this was a normal cycle of life stages.What did we know? But, it began a slowly spiraling cycle of increasing worry.

As we rolled into the months of late 2016, the bleeding was like a frightening specter of something possibly wrong, triggering in us a mutual daily watch of whether this specter would appear, or not. We were on edge every day, as to whether she would get a few days reprieve from the spotting. We began subconsciously thinking of the problem as “it,” an entity with malice in its dark heart.

In this whole period in 2016, Twinklebear “withdrew” from going out much, as this is a natural reaction to underlying worry. I can tell you that this is the way I react, when under stress. This resulted in epic four and five hour conversations with Twinklebear, when we would commiserate with each other, over the mounting underlying terror. I resolved to stay strong for her, when I comforted her, and we comforted each other.

Christmas came and went, as did the New Years Day of 2017. By this time, Twinklebear’s spotting became heavier and more frequent. We really were on high alert now, dreading that something really was wrong underneath. My feeling was, “No, nothing will hurt her. I am going to get us through this together.”

By the summer of 2017, when our stress was at its highest from “the problem,” we had spent an entire year of concentrated time together in those four and five hour talks, bonding like nobody’s business. This long period of concentrated bonding, is not normally experienced by the average Twin Flame couple.

As we spent this concentrated period that consisted of talks that lasted four or five hours, we peeled away the layers of inhibition in each other, the barriers that accumulated over a lifetime of normal living. By the summer of 2017, our souls were bare to each other. There were no more layers to peel by July. All of the barriers were broken into dust, and dispersed by the wind of soul bonding.

This left our souls free to bond in an unprecedented way, with no barriers left to surpass to get to each other. Our bare souls ran to each other’s arms, to never let go. This was the key to our “special bonding” beyond the normal Twin Flame bond. This resulted in an implicit and total trust of the other, that we don’t have with anyone else in the world.

It was also around this time that “the problem” began to come to a head. Medical opinions were sought, on various levels. Answers were gotten, and we both became resolved to beat this thing, which we ultimately did. By early August, the terrible specter finally revealed itself to be a dark thing, that gave us a good chance now, of defeating it.

Twinklebear asked me this morning, “Did you have an epiphany, my Sookybear?” The answer was yes. I have felt that Twinklebear and I had a stronger than normal Twin Flame bond, but did not know until today, why. Now I know why. Upon reflection, it is because we spent that year huddled together like two people caught in a storm, facing off and fighting off the sheer terror that rained down on us.

We huddled together for that year, withstanding the thunder and lightning that the terror raged, in its futility to cow us. We two together, were stronger than “it.” We sat huddled and resilient, while that terror battered us daily for over a year. It is like we went to battle with this thing and watched each other’s backs, until the thing was defeated. I love you, Twinklebear.

Sheer terror bonded us!

We exceeded the inherent limits of the Twin Flame bond, from having gone through this terrible ordeal together. In the end, we emerged with this steel-like bond, forged in fire, and tested by a terror unknown to most Twin Flames. People who have not gone through something like this, will not understand. We do.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Bear Pact Forever
Twin Flames, podmates always
12 12 12 in every way


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MY TWINKLEBEAR: So sexy, too sexy!.

I’ve always had an urge to write, but ever since I finally hung it up with motorcycle riding, my passion for writing seems insatiable. This reminds me of the time in 1993, when I broke my left leg in a bike wreck, and I couldn’t ride my Harley for awhile.

In that instance, I mentally shifted my passion for riding my Harley, to a passion for guns. I joined a gun range here in The City (Manhattan), and bought a Smith & Wesson Model 19 .357 magnum revolver, a Colt Government Model .45 ACP pistol and a Colt Commander .45 ACP pistol. That maneuver worked, as it somewhat assuaged my need to ride my bike to some degree, until I was able to ride the bike again.

The situation now is similar, except that it looks like my giving up motorcycle riding is for good. It just feels like it’s time, and believe me, it took months of mental adjustment for me to finally accept the decision as a correct decision. So, I turned to another passion, that of writing–to fill the void.

Once I realized that writing was going to be my passionate salvation, I redesigned this website about Twin Flame relations, and my Going The Distance biker subculture website. My insatiable need to write is divided between these two websites.

As I write about my Twin Flame journey with my “Twinklebear,” I am usually restrained in my approach—because of the customarily intellectual way this spiritual subject is treated in the Twin Flame subculture. Twin Flame writers treat the subject matter with lily white kid gloves, while adopting a politically correct posture. I must admit though, that I have the urge to be unrestrained and write about the totality of our life with total candor.

There is a real world segment of our Twin Flame life, which is, shall I say, steamy? It is actually steamier than for a non-Twin Flame couple, because the sexual tension between Twin Flames is so much more intense than for non-Twin Flames. Between Twinklebear and I, it is so palpable you could cut it with a knife.

I’m sure you can appreciate why it is difficult me to write totally candidly about our sensuous life. In the back of my mind, I don’t want to appear too pornographic. Honestly, that is what a Twin Flame couple’s sensuous life is—it is purely pornographic in a good way, which is to say that no barriers between the compatible Twins exist–as they are totally open about anything and everything between them. That is the way it is for Twinklebear and I. What is “pornography” in its purest sense, if not frankness in word and action with respect to sex?

Twinklebear and I share anything and everything in our lives. There is an implicit trust in each other, that we do not share with others, bar none—no matter what our relationships are with other people. With others, there are inherent (and normal) barriers between us and others. That’s just the way it is. This total honesty in our Twin Flame life, extends its influence over our sexual selves. I am totally uninhibited with Twinklebear sexually, and it is mutual. I have never experienced this with anyone else in my life.

Even now, after I embarked on writing this article determined to be open without restraint, I feel myself pulling back, not wanting to offend the delicate sensibilities of the sexually sheltered and squeamish of the Twin Flame subculture. The Twin Flame subculture is strewn with snowflakes and delicate new agers. So much of Twin Flame literature centers around the spiritual, that I admit that it is difficult to break the mold.

Twin Flame literature is littered with a rarefied erudite (and somewhat pretentious) air about it. It would feel unseemly, if I diverged from this egghead approach and shouted to all within hearing and reading distance….

“Hey, I just wanna throw Twinklebear down on the table and take her, like the hot and sexy thing that she is!”

See what I mean? Ha! So, because you the reader live outside of the “Twin Flame Bubble” that Twinklebear and I inhabit, I have to be circumspect with you regarding the steamy specifics of our sensuous life. Sorry, once again, you will have to use your imagination. Let me just say, that I find Twinklebear so sexy, too sexy–and her spell over me is constant and intense.

I guarantee you, that after Twinklebear reads this, she will say in her inimitable fashion, “My Sooybear, you bad boy—YOU! ‘DONK’…” as she donks me on the head with her donking rolling pin! Ha!


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way

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