MY TRUE SOULMATE: The love of my life, Twinklebear.
God. It’s been over a year since “Twinklebear” (her given name is Lesley) entered my life, and a year since we’ve connected as Soulmates. The term “Soulmates,” and notice that I capitalize the word when I use it in the context of Twinklebear—is usually a throwaway term that is used much too cavalierly, for the word to have any significant meaning these days. However, in my and Twinklebear’s case, it carries with it, all of the profound meaning that can be attributed to it, which is why I capitalize the word when referring to Twinklebear.
Twinklebear waltzed into my life with a whispered flourish in October 2015, when she belonged to a Facebook Alaskan Malamute group, to which I was also a member. When I broke away from this group and formed my own Alaskan Malamute group, I “poached” Twinklebear and other members of that original group by Facebook friending them, and surreptitiously adding them to my newly formed group.
It wasn’t long before I noticed her perky and sunny comments at my Alaskan Malamute group. I admittedly checked out her Facebook profile, and man, did I think that she was a gorgeous woman! A young blonde Scandinavian-looking Brit, she made my heart flutter just a bit faster. It was also evident, that her posts to me were subtly, of the flirty variety, indicating, at least a casual romantic interest. Many months later, Twinklebear would reveal, “When I saw you, I felt like I’d known you before. I felt that you were somehow special..”
With that subconscious encouragement consisting of her warm and coquettish comments directed in my direction, I added her to a Queens group I also ran. It was either in the Malamute or Queens group, when a seminal moment took place. that had great significance to us both.
Allow me to digress for a moment, and explain how Twinklebear acquired her nickname of “Twinklebear.” When Lesley was a child, her family gave her the nickname of “Twinkle.” So, her parents and siblings either called her Twinkle or Twinks (her dad was and is particularly enamored of “Twinks”). I began calling her Twinkle. In fact, I can’t recall ever calling her Lesley. When she bestowed the nickname of “Sookybear” on my personage, I then turned things around in a moment of alliterative clarity, and began calling her Twinklebear, to match “Sookybear.”
Getting back to that thunderclap of a moment at one of my groups. When Twinklebear and I were bantering in threads that included other members, it suddenly felt at some point, that she and I were talking exclusively with each other. This, in spite of numbers of others commenting in those threads. Today, when we are together, the feeling is that only we exist, and that the world outside of us, has receded.
One day, for some unknown reason, when Twinklebear and I were kidding around in the groups, I said, “Yes dear” in reply to some wiseguy crack that she humorously made to me, when she mimicked scolding or nagging me, as a wife would a spouse. To that, Twinklebear said, “And let me tell you another thing.” I thought to myself, “God, that sounds so familiar…”
It was, as if bolts of memory lightning hit us both at that moment, as if we were reenacting a scene, that we had played out repetitively, many ages ago. At that consequential moment, the idea that we somehow had lived as husband and wife, in the past, and perhaps in more than one lifetime–was planted in our minds. The seed of the possibility, that we were reincarnated spouses flowered, grew larger and more real to us, over the past year.
Since that time, Twinklebear and I have grown incredibly close, as close as two people could possibly get. We discovered that we can talk literally for hours—which seems like mere minutes—and not get tired of talking to each other. I have to point out that for me, even talking to someone for more than five minutes at a time, is unusual—and normally for me–tedious.
It’s not only the length of uninterrupted time we can talk, its the fact that we can talk about anything. We have revealed everything about ourselves, to the other. We can talk about anything big or small, in our lives. We are so unbelievably open with each other, that the term “confidantes” is wholly inadequate, in our case.
We also discovered that we could gaze into each other’s faces and eyes for unlimited and long periods, and not tire of this close scrutiny and bonding. The effect is truly mesmerizing, and it takes an act of will, just break our gaze. That is how joyous this special act of looking deeply into each other’s eyes, is. What usually makes us break our loving gazes, are time constraints imposed by daily schedules. The feeling we each had, and have, for the moments we look intently and deeply into each other’s eyes is….
“I recognize you from way back…I know you, and knew you before…”
We invariably say to each other, almost mystically, “I know you…”
If you think this is unusual to be able to look intensely into another person’s eyes for long, try looking into someone’s face for an extended time, and see how long you can last. Twinklebear and I can do this, and be totally fascinated, drawn into the other’s inner self—for huge chunks of time.
We soon found that the Gaelic concept of Anam Cara, which means soul friend, or true soulmate—applies to us. Now, Twinklebear is highly spiritual, and did believe in reincarnation and the like. But I’ve always been a skeptic about such things.
But the overwhelming emotion of the knowing of each other, as if for centuries, was too much for my skepticism, to withstand. I’d never experienced a love like it, so close and complete, as I do with Twinklebear. We mesh together like hand in glove. The feeling we have about each other, is both primal and ancient.
In the intervening months since we became close on December 12, 2015, there have been so many numerous times every single day (we talk and see each other every day), that Twinklebear and I were thinking the same thoughts simultaneously (and verbalizing them simultaneously), that we began calling these phenomena “Anam Cara Coincidences” or “ACCs” for short. These are so frequent, that they no longer bring amazement to us. We now take this strong psychic connection for granted, as normal for us.
However, our Soulmate bond goes way beyond that. Either of us can actually sense certain feelings of distress or worry, or traumatic moments the other is experiencing, despite distance between us. This is especially true at night, because we both are extremely poor sleepers. There have been many occasions when one would suddenly awaken, when the other woke up, worrying. We don’t merely sense the emotions of the other, we also feel the same emotion of the other, at the same times.
Also notable, is how incredibly compatible we are with each other, in every possible way. In a word, we “complete” each other. We make each other’s day. Frankly, this is so hard to explain to others, how complete we are with each other, and how incomplete we each feel, when apart.
Twinklebear and I feel like two halves of a whole, always complementing the other, always completing the other. When we are apart, we feel as though a half of us is missing, and the separation anxiety and missing the other—is a terrible feeling to feel.
Not to get too explicit, but our sexual attraction is mutual, immediate and totally intense. What’s more, this simultaneous attraction, is raw, animalistic and totally uninhibited. I’ve never experienced this type of sexual uninhibitedness with anybody else. These bouts of, as the British say, becoming unnecessary, come on suddenly, like a spontaneous thunderstorm.
In two days, our First Anniversary of our becoming True Soulmates is on the calendar. The past year for me, has been full of daily joy because of my Soulmate Twinklebear. I could not live without her.
Honestly, the irreversible attraction that we felt in the beginning, scared us both. No doubt, we both were in denial about it. I felt like I was going crazy. What was happening was, we were falling deeply, and irrevocably, crazy in love with each other. I didn’t know what was happening, because I kept thinking about her, all the time, 24/7. It didn’t matter what I was doing or who I was with, Twinklebear was on my mind, all the time.
In time, over the past few months, we have both reconciled ourselves, and accepted this new reality. We are committed to each other, as we had been in the past in another lifetime, and are in this lifetime—and will be in future lives. Twinklebear, I love you, Forever and a day.