“COMFORT LEVEL HIGHEST”

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Like all beautiful women, Twinklebear had many male admirers.

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The earliest days of a Twin Flame Journey are so dizzying, so wholly disorienting because Twin Flames inevitably fall irrevocably, crazy-in-love immediately—even though they may not realize it. Most, because of the high intensity of the sudden loving emotions realized, will act out from denial and fear. They have never experienced anything like it.

Some in classic examples of projection, will subconsciously blame their newly minted Twin Flame Loves for the uncomfortable life altering circumstances of unfettered Twin Flame Love in all of its Hollywood like glory multiplied by a thousand.

This Twin Flame Love is so all-encompassing that it is suffocating to some. Some lash out at their partners from fear and frustration. However, hidden in this lashing out at their Twins, are deep rooted primal urges baked into the DNA of females and males, that remain beneath the surface—since Neanderthal times.

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PRIMAL FEMALE INSTINCTS: Deep down Twinklebear wanted me to fight for her!

Recently, Twinklebear said to me regarding why she acted out in anger at me, in the earliest days of our Twin Flame Journey. She said, “I wanted to get back at you.” This was because of personal entanglements of mine that made our budding relationship more difficult. “It was so unfair!” she continued, “The way you wanted me for yourself, considering!”

My actions which she considered “unfair” were my newly woken Alpha Male instincts to fight, claw, scratch, punch, kick, outmaneuver—in short—any way available to eliminate other males from the primal contest. It has been thus for male and females since the dawn of man. It’s called “biology!”

It really is a matter of biology, the way I acted in our early days. The way that Twinklebear acted also, is also a matter of biology. Like all truly beautiful and desirable women, Twinklebear had an overabundance of male admirers. In other words, my “competition.” The way she tried to “get back at me” was to utilize the oldest tenet in the Female’s Handbook:

“Make the man jealous, see where it leads.”

What Twinklebear wasn’t cognizant of, was that she was following the Female Rule of Survival rooted in her female DNA that reads, “Make the man jealous so he has to fight for you and prove that he is strong enough to protect and feed you.”

In Neanderthal times, this was necessary for survival, and the propagation of the homo sapiens species. A given caveman must be the “strongest” as proven in combat for the woman’s heart, to prove the victorious caveman as qualified to be the female’s best protector and provider.

DNA is a stubborn thing, for males or females. Baked into our DNA from prehistoric times at 350 degrees fahrenheit for 1.8 million years, Twinklbear’s “role” was to “test” me to determine if I would “fight for her”–and to see if I would “win.” Winning would prove, in the earliest mankind terms—if I am “worthy” of Twinklebear. My role was to fight and conquer.

MARCH 6, 2016

It was Mothers Day in Britain, Twinklebear’s home country. Twinklebear had returned home from a Mothers Day celebration. It was during a late night communication with me after the party, when perhaps her tongue was Prosecco lubricated, her filters almost entirely eliminated, and her frustration with the way the unfairness in our interpersonal arrangements seemed intolerable—when she employed the tried and true, “Make him jealous to prove him worthy” Principle of Female Survival.” The result?

I got angry. Really angry. It was on that night that I vowed to cut ties with my beloved Twin Flame, and end the madness! It was driving me crazy! I sent Twinklebear a text, saying it was over! In Twin Flames parlance, I became a “runner.” I went to bed feeling relieved, and resolute about keeping to my decision to leave.

Am I a masochist, so easily revisiting this extremely painful time? I am not. I do so with some fondness ironically, because it not only emphasizes the happy ending, but also contrasts with how that time compares with now, when Twinklebear and I enjoy the highest level of comfort. Man, wotta difference!



THE WORST: The thought of the anguish I caused Twinklebear, broke my heart!

By the next morning, I was feeling gutted. My heart was breaking! The middle of my torso felt like it had been scooped out, and that a part of me was missing! How could I live without my Twinklebear?

Also, the very thought of the extreme pain and anguish I caused Twinklebear by declaring that I was leaving, broke my heart! Oh my God! How could I have done that to her?

In the early morning, not even twelve hours from the time I decided to leave, I went to Twinklebear and begged forgiveness. That was the third time—and absolute last time—I tried to “run.”

March 6th just passed, which was 3 years to the day that I tried to “run.” I consider Mothers Day in the UK in 2016, to be a valuable lesson. It was on that fateful night, when I learned the eternal truth:

Twinklebear and I would be together forever, perhaps forever and a day!

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day!
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way.

One thought on ““COMFORT LEVEL HIGHEST”

  1. A shudder, went up my spine, just thinking of those old days. It seems we are NOW far more comfortable,and easier going with one another.
    Yes, we did have ” teething problems” but , who doesn’t? At least we know that ” running ” was not,and is not the answer.
    I didn’t think I was testing you, more I was feeling ” hey , how dare you! ” Under your circumstances. You do have jealous pants! ( Something I do not ! ) Ha!!! ” Donk!” ” Cough!” ( Skinny hobo) springs to mind.
    I am so glad we sorted it all out,as it was too much tension, and stress, back then. Also we have had lots to deal with in the mean time. Health wise , and other. If we were not a ” solid unit” we would not have survived it all.
    I love you my sookybear YES! Forever and a day! Twinflames 🐻 pact podmates always. Thank you for this lovley memoir.

    Like

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