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EVER AMAZING: How Twinklbear and I instantly “ignited.“
AS A PRELUDE TO THIS MEMOIR, THIS IS A POEM I WROTE WHICH IN PART ENCAPSULATES THE THEME OF THIS MEMOIR:
“THE ONLY ONE”
There was a time I thought I knew
True love and its ramifications
I subscribed and stayed true
Followed the rules and regulations
*A STEPFORD LOVER*
Like most folks who think they know
Took it for granted, put the idea to bed
Going about my business, giving it cred
I discovered later, I knew it in my head
*NOT IN MY HEART*
Instead of completely feeling it in my heart
I discerned the difference by fateful fiat
When I met her and found I already knew her
Was blindsided by instant love-lock
*MIRACULOUS WAKE UP*
It was my heart that was the closed lock
She had the key to reveal wide open
Filling the chambers and leaving me in shock
Leaving me desperate and fingers groping
*FOR HER LOVE*
Desperation penetrated us both
To a wanting we did not understand
All we sensed or seemed to know
We had to have each other’s hand
*WE HAD TO HAVE EACH OTHER*
The act of groping, fighting to be as one
Was brick solid in spite of confusion
The forces driving us very poorly known
The only certainty was needed love collusion
*LOVE FIGHTS THROUGH CHAOS*
Like a lovely arrow shot through my heart
She said, “The only man I ever really loved”
Plucked at my heart strings vulnerable to her
It reminded me of what I know of my beloved
*SHE IS THE ONLY WOMAN I EVER REALLY LOVED*
Yes “minor details” get in the way
That do nothing to alter the truth
That she is the only one I ever truly loved
In the complete way, that we do
*FOREVER AND DAY*
Previous “love” for us pales by comparison
Black and white copies of our real thing
The full color saturation of our love’s illumination
In living color, with no fading of the shining
After I wrote this poem, my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” said to me….
“It was as if when we first met, my Sookybear, we instantly ignited.“
How true. We still find it astonishing, how there wasn’t a normal “getting to know you” period after we met. As I said in the poem, “…I met and found that I already knew her.”
It was as if we were a fully-formed romantic couple immediately, with subliminally known traditions, inside jokes and ease of compatibility. It was a case of “Been here, done this.” It was as if we were subconsciously saying….
“My God! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you! I’ve missed you so much! I love you!”
Twinklebear and I then fell into our “old” (for it seemed that we’d done this before, forever) routine of being together every day since that first day two and a half years ago. It was as if one of us had gone for a few days’ holiday, and we were getting back to our everyday life without missing a beat. Truly amazing in retrospect!
Twinklebear has been the more spiritually aware of us (see previous installments discussing her paranormal gifts), and she was way ahead of me with respect to “recognizing” me and what we were and are.
This is all very clear to us now, but back then without any conscious analysis of what this unusual behavior meant, it just seemed preternaturally right for us to be this way.
This is not say that we considered our instantly absolute familiarity with each other, “normal.” Far from it. We were frankly, stupefied by the whole thing. We didn’t question the “rightness” of it, but we did think we were possibly insane.
I’ll tell ya one thing. The inexplicably intense feelings of love and need we experienced was driving us insane, until we came to a better understanding of what it all meant.
Was it possible for two individuals from different parts of the world (She is English and I am an American) who have never met, to suffer the same demented delusion that we were once and forever husband and wife, and act like it from “day one?” It is so amazing to think of this in a clearheaded way, two and half years later!
This objectivity was impossible for us when we first met. Back then, there was only “The Urgency.” The Urgency was the high intensity feeling of….
“I know you are mine but don’t know how to say it this early, but I have to have you. You are mine!”
I am not exaggerating when I state this. For my part, I had the most primal urges immediately about Twinklebear upon meeting her. I was ready to physically beat down other males for her hand, and would do anything to win her. Because I “knew” that she was mine.
At the time, I didn’t question how I knew this, I just knew. It was insane! But it was what it was, and I was powerless to fight the insistent tide of time, fate, and the history that Twinklebear and I shared before.
Oh my God, what an emotionally turbulent time that was then. I felt like my world was on fire! There was no time to relax, no room for complacency. I could not afford to say “So what” if things didn’t go well for us. I only knew that I had to right things, to make her mine again—like I knew she was before. Nothing less would do.
I know for a fact that Twinklebear also felt this strange but wonderful conundrum. What did it all mean, this intense struggle to recreate then, what we had “before?” What the hell did “before” mean, for we’d just met? We somehow knew, that there was a “before” but did not know what that meant. It was weird, but felt wonderful and somehow “right.”
It made no sense then, but we weren’t running on common sense and rationality. We were running on an insane diet of 1000 horsepower-inducing nitromethane fuel, and we were moving at light speed to being irrevocably, crazy-in-love in three seconds flat!
Who wants to be comfortable anyway, when you can have a love so rich, so full, so rewarding—that the rest of life seems drab by comparison? Not me.
Twinklebear is the only woman I ever really loved.
Twinklebear and I were reborn in late 2015. Reborn in the sense, that we were reunited after being reincarnated after who knows how many centuries passed since we were husband and wife in a previous life. Latent memories, visions and recurrent dreams (sorry, you’ll have to read previous memoir installments about these) suggest that our last previous life together, took place in the 13th century A.D., probably in Mongolia.
Is it any wonder that we were reborn with a full set of latent memories, visions and recurrent dreams of that past life? That explains our instant familiarity with each other right away. As Twinklebear said, “We instantly ignited.”
That instant ignition of a love known and remembered from centuries ago, burns hot and bright once again.
It is so wonderful to relive those early days of late 2015 and early 2016, for it highlights the magnitude and magic of what happened. The way I love, and am “in love” in the most magical, “Hollywood way” with my Twinklebear, is a theme worth revisiting, time and time again. Because the perpetual crazy-in-love feeling I have for her, is a once in an eternity event.
I love you, Twinklebear Lesley Maclean
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, Podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way
SCOTT “SOOKYBEAR” WONG