MY SWEET TWINKLEBEAR: My leaving my job upset both of us.
I tried Googling quotes about being a pillar of strength for a loved one. All seemed trivial, compared to what I want to say to my Twin Flame, “Twinklebear” Lesley Maclean. In case you don’t know what Twin Flames are, Twin Flames are each the other’s true half of the other.
Each “Twin” is the perfect mate and complement to the other, because they began as a single soul, halved by God, so that we lucky Twin Flames have the “perfect other half,” in every way. And that is what Twinklebear and I are.
So, I was looking for the perfect quote regarding my being a pillar of strength for her, in turbulent times of change–because she is for me under the same circumstances—my tower of strength. We support each other, like non-Twin Flame couples cannot. We are the fiber of each other; in the other, we see and feel ourselves.
We love each other unconditionally, and support the other totally—even if in the process, it is is scary because of the doubts that change inevitably causes. I could not find an adequate saying that would reach Twinklebear’s heart, so I decided this:
This entire memoir will be my quote to reach her lovely heart.
Let me set the stage for what I want to say to My Love. Twinklebear and I have been a loving couple in many previous lifetimes, before this one. We are in fact, so lucky to have been reincarnated into the same lifetime, so we could find each other again, among the other 8 billion people in this big, wide world.
There have been, no doubt, lifetimes when we were not born into them at the same time—when we “missed” each other by decades or centuries..
One would think that a change of job–or in my case the loss of one–would pale in comparison to the challenge of trying to coexist in the same lifetime.
Today, I left my job of 27 years, a huge change for me. Because Twin Flames feel each other’s anguish, Twinklebear sensed mine–and it multiplied her insecurities abut the loss of my job, tenfold.
Even though spiritually, we know that we have been, and always will be together in a higher world—we are human, and do exhibit the human weaknesses of worry that may seem out of proportion to a couple who have persevered for perhaps millennia. Hey, that’s what mortal humans do.
But—this human Twin Flame loves my Twinklebear so very much, that I abhor it when she is upset or fearful. It cuts to my very heart when she is in pain.
My sweet honeybear, know this. I would not let anything diminish who or what we are. We are as strong as the toughest tensile steel, and are as eternal and unbeatable as the ancient wind. Like the wind, that can be either a gentle breeze or a hurricane force, we can evade barriers by going around them.
Nothing can stop us, my love. That is the strength of our love, and our malleability, like the wind.
Like the strongest steel, my Twinklebear, you and I have been forged into indestructabilty in the hot cauldrons of past lifetimes, when we beat the odds and faced down incredible ordeals. In this lifetime alone, we endured and emerged victorious against the most dreadful of enemies.
My sweet Twinklebear, I want you to know, that I carry with me every day, two special tokens of love from you. One is the silver angel pin you gave me. This reminds me that you are my angel, my guardian angel, as I am yours–who has saved you in many a past life–as well as in this life.
The second token of love I carry with me every day, is the ornate pen you gave with, with “Someone Special” inscribed on it. Granted, these are only tokens, but they mean much to me. I touch these tokens every day, because they remind me of you. I love you so very much!
I have been exceedingly honest in these memoirs–perhaps to a fault. But I would like you to know what precipitated my leaving my job of 27 years–and it had everything to do with preserving my dignity and pride, as a person.
I was the practice manager of a medical practice, and as such, enjoyed a certain degree of autonomy. I had my own office within the practice, which I felt was like “home” if you will, because I had been there so long. For the longest time, we were the sole practice in this space in Greenwich Village in New York City,.
These were the circumstances, when Twinklebear and I “found” each other again in late 2015. However, as in every stage of life, things change. The medical industry is being squeezed, so that it is hard for old style doctors’ offices to survive. That happened to the practice that I was in.
In our weakened financial state, we rented out space in our office, to three other doctors awhile ago. Eventually, these other doctor’s practices grew their staff size. That is what led to my employer telling me today, that I would be losing my office–and therefore, my autonomy as a professional. I would be shuffled into anther group room, with several other people.
This would not stand!
I vehemently felt, that this was a betrayal by my employer, a poor recompense for the loyalty I’ve shown to this employer for 27 years. So, I resigned.
There’s something you have to understand about me. I have a large ego. I always think that I’m the best at what I do, or endeavor to do. I sacrificed much, to work as the practice manager of this office I left, eschhewing many other more lucrative and more psychologically rewarding opportunites.
I felt that my employer’s taking my office away, was an extreme disloyalty to me.
That’s why I left my job. Loyalty should be a two-way street.
So, my sweet Twinklebear got upset, because I was upset. I am a humongous creature of habit. I hate change. But hey, shit happens as they say. Gotta roll with the punches, man. I have never let life beat me. And it never will.
And so it goes. Life won’t beat me, and it will not beat me and my Twinklebear. My sweet Twinklebear, worry not! I am a fighter! Change happens, but we do not. I love you forever and a day, and we adapt!
YOU ARE MY “EVERYTHING!”
I write this memoir under duress! It has been 8 hours since I walked way from my job, and frankly, it is getting easier to stomach.
I am adapting!
I am adapting, because of the love and support of my “Twinklebear” Lesley Maclean—and the six bottles of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
Hey, watch it with that rolling pin, AC Twinklebear Lesley Maclean!
The human animal is amazingly adaptable. I am feeling more “normal” already! My message to you, my sweet Twinklebear, is doanworrybowdit! We will adapt. I love you! So much!
I Love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
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