Dearest Twinklebear,

My beloved Twin Flame lover….it is Christmas Eve, and you are not here with me due to uncontrollable circumstances. I cannot put into words, how very much I miss you, how very much I want to be with you on this Christmas Eve.

It would be easy for me to dwell on the negatives, but I won’t do that. Instead, I will concentrate on the true meaning of why I miss you so very, very much. If I make you cry during the reading of this, it won’t be from sadness from regret, but from joy at the depth of my love for you

We are on the precipice, of beginning our third year as Twin Flames, although this span of time pales in comparison to the centuries we have spent as Twin Flames, since we made our “Bear Pact” in our eternal pod, before the beginning of time.

If the past two years is in reality a mere blip in the time continuum, compared to the centuries we have been Twin Flames during our many lifetimes together, then it is also conversely—a microcosm of those centuries we’ve been together—for the past two years seems like forever to me.

They seem like forever to me, because in the eternal higher realm, we have been together forever. In the eternal realm there are no clocks, no timetables, no spatial distance and no time limit on our souls. . There is only us.

Every minute with you, feels like a hour, yet it feels like not enough. Every day I spend loving you, laughing with you, even being melancholy with you over life’s strife in its many forms, seems like a week. Every week with you seems like a year, yet seems too short, not enough to quench my unrelenting need to be with you.

My soul hungers for your voice and thoughts. My inner being thirsts for the quenching qualities of your love. Every cell of my body, and every spiritual fiber of my soul, needs you forever and ever, always and a day. I love you.

INTERMISSION: I’ve just spoken to you, you in Merrie Olde England, me in New York City. You just had a full day of Christmas Eve entertaining of the Beaney (your family surname) clan, and what you said to me was ….“All I want for Christmas is you!”

Yes my love, all I also want for Christmas, is you. The rest of my life is a “holding action,” a way to distract my mind from the terrible missing of you.

I promised you that the completion of this memoir, would be “my present under the tree” for you. And so, it is. As you open up this Christmas gift on Christmas morning, as you carefully remove the layers of emotional tissue paper surrounding the gift, know that you are getting the most precious of gifts from me, my deepest and most heartfelt ideas and feelings. This is how I feel about your feelings and thoughts about me and us, that they are the most precious entities in the universe.

What I can also offer you is, Our Very Own Christmas, one which cannot be equaled by any number of relatives visiting on Christmas Eve for well wishes. This Christmas (or “Kwissmiss” if you like), is a Christmas that is based on the eternal well of love I have for you, one that will never die, or diminish.

Our Christmas is also a Christmas, during which you won’t have to run around, filling others’ glasses with drinks. Ha!

Not to disparage or diminish the others in our lives in their “karmic roles” in our lives, but I can state unequivocally, that these people, simply don’t count as much.

That is just the simple truth. In a Twin Flame relationship, the Twin Flames themselves have precedence.

As I write this, as a matter of self-revelation, I am becoming more festive, more Christmassy. Merry Kwissmiss! Yay! This is because I am in the process of “unwrapping” my deepest thoughts regarding our deep love.

As I write this, I am realizing what the “moral of the story” of soppy Christmas films is. And that is: that it is the most important people to us, that count at Christmas. Others that appear infrequently at other times of the year, materialize due to “familial obligation” at Christmastime, to make their mandatory appearance at gatherings. This latter group, are fulfilling a ritual not fueled by pure emotion, but rather are dictated by custom.

This is a Christmas morning, that exists in a world where you and I have distance between us, yet we have spent the most intimate, personal and significant moments of our lives together, for two years. This is a world in which the circumstances we live in, are so real, that they enable me to literally—and not merely “virtually”—save the life of the most precious person in the universe to me, you.

I awake this Christmas morning, when opening physical presents means nothing to me, compared to hearing how you are are, how you feel, and being able to tell you, how much I love you. I know what is important in life, my love.

On this bright, Christmas morning, I am giving you the present-under-the-tree, of the type of day in, day out, unwavering love and support that you’ve known from me for the past two years in this life, and for centuries before in our other lives–even as other more peripheral people in your life have disappointed you in this time period.

Water always seeks its own level.

As the glitter and glamour of the holiday season fades from view, and those in your life less dedicated to you, recede back into their lives as they inevitably will, and as the requisite parties and gatherings subside until next years’ festivities–I will stay remain steadfast in my love for you, and my support of you. I shall be here for you, day after day, without fail, as I have always been—forever and a day.

Merry Christmas, my love.

I love you, Twinklebear Lesley Maclean
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, Podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


2 thoughts on ““MEMOIR: THINKING OF YOU”

  1. Merry Christmas my Sookybear! Merry Kwissmiss too! I love you always and a day! This memoir is so wonderful! Thank you so very much. It is perfect! Made me whell up!
    I love seeing my family too, it was a wonderful night! After my scare, I believe it makes people appreciate you more. You are correct that once the tinsel gets put away for another year, the parties etc do die down. Love of family. No matter how near, or far, never will. I love my family, and I love my Sookybear! So very much. You’re right also , that ” all I want for Christmas and forever ! ” Is YOU! Have a wonderful day my Sookybear! I will be thinking of you , missing you! I love you! Have a great “New York” Styleeee Kwissmiss! I will have a great ” olde English ” ha! Well I think our ideas of our Christmases, are different, to how we imagine them . Lots of love, laughing, and food! Spent with the ones we love! Just like yours.
    Podmates Twinflames 🐻 forever love you always and a day my love merry Christmas!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, my Twinklebear. I love you very much, and will miss you very much today, my love. Have a great Christmas Day at Melanie’s and Simon’s! Eat drink and be merry! A very Merry Christmas to you, my love…Forever and a day! 12 12 12


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