TWINKLEBEAR Loving her caused me to examine myself.


“A soulmate is someone who holds the keys to your life, a person who awakens you to your own life and sets you on the path to self discovery. Often the work they do in each other’s life is hidden….active on a subconscious, or unconscious….very subtle…level.”



In these soulmate memoirs, I’ve gotten used to speaking in the most base and primal terms, pared down the bone, without pretension or sugarcoating. That’s good, because my soulmate journey with my one true soulmate and “twin flame” soulmate, “Twinklebear” Lesley Maclean, is in its very essence—primal.

On the most basic soulmate level, our relationship has always been driven by three outstanding factors:

(1) Our foreknowledge of each other from previous lifetimes, for we are reincarnated lovers and spouses, reunited in this lifetime. It is a true miracle that we’ve found each other again.

(2) Our immediate and natural closeness and compatibility, based on our chemistry as twin flame soulmates—and past history of having known each other in past lives. We clicked immediately upon being reunited. We recognized each other right away, and the effect was dazzling.

(3) Our communication and interaction in the most primal and instinctive ways, devoid of filters, guardedness or inhibitive barriers. Our sensuality, our intuition of each other, are most animal-like in an instinctive way. We can also talk for hours, and get lost in each other’s gaze without self-consciousness.

In our most primal modes, Twinklebear and I have been reduced—or perhaps it should be conversely, “elevated” to she, as the prototypical female, and I, as the prototypical alpha male. This is the key to our respective self discovery, in our soulmate journey.

We’ve each been broken to down our essential selves, allowing us to closely examine our respective selves–indeed, demanding such self scrutiny.

OUR SOULMATE JOURNEY: Made me look within.

In “MEMOIR: DOMINATION” I discussed how I had to reach down to my most primitive and primal levels as an alpha male, to win Twinkelbear’s heart.

As a beautiful and desirable woman, she had plenty of other male admirers who I had to vanquish, to “clear the field” for myself, to be victorious in my quest for her heart.

Honestly though, I want’t even consciously aware that I was pursuing Twinklebear, as such. My wanting and needing her, was so seamlessly subconscious—it was probably seeded in my relationships with her in past lifetimes. I just knew, that I wanted her, and had to have her—as I had her before.

In her own primal and primitive way (without even realizing what it was she was trying to achieve) Twinklebear was winnowing out the field, to determine the strongest male–just as prehistoric women did. She also wasn’t consciously aware that she was subconsciously pursuing me in this journey of ours. But she wanted me to be the strongest alpha male—as surely as if we were male and female in the stone age.

These factors in our soulmate journey, forced me to introspectively examine myself. Specifically, it made me look at my alpha male tendencies and instincts, to better comprehend how these alpha male traits dictated my life, as a whole.

The usual modus operandus for a male, is to barely touch on the subject of alpha male instincts, and how these instincts steer us in certain directions in out lives. Rarely do we males look beneath the surface, to actually see the ALPHA MALE APPARATUS in all of it’s complexity and ugliness.

There is an old joke about liking sausage, but you wouldn’t want to see how it is made. Just like a behind the scenes, nauseating view of sausage being made at the factory, an unvarnished close-up of the ALPHA MALE APPARATUS, and how it works, how it is the real “brains” behind male behavior–is a disturbing eye opener!

But I had to examine my inner workings, in my soulmate journey with Twinklebear, just to have a sane perspective of why I was doing crazy things in my pursuit of my wonderful soulmate!

This intensive introspection during my miraculous soulmate journey with my sweet Twinklebear, yielded a couple important pieces of self discovery. One was about my father.

My father was an old fashioned dad, strict and tough, but that facade masked a love for me beneath, that I just became aware of, just recently. It was my hyper-awareness of my own alpha male instincts, that brought this knowledge to the surface, a hyper-awareness that is a direct result of my soulmate relationship with Twinklebear.

There comes a point in every young man’s life, when both he and his father become aware, that the mantle of alpha male, is to be passed on from father to son. For loving fathers, it means acceding to the son, and letting him go. For the father to “get out of the way.” This is what happened with my father and me.

For my father and me, this occasion was precipitated, when I challenged my father to an arm wrestle. I remember this clearly now. I was about 15 years old, and had been lifting weights for a couple of years. There was no way that my father didn’t know, that I would win.

Many fathers would not suffer the sure embarrassment. Yet, my Pop did not blink. He said “sure,” and I won. I just realized what a loving act it was for my father, for he was also a true alpha male. I also realized, just a few days ago, that this act of self discovery, was part and parcel of The Process that is my soulmate journey with Twinklebear. For that, Twinklebear, thank you. I love you!

The second self discovery I had recently, as a result of Twinklebear being my soulmate, was about my brother.

I don’t want to get into the weeds about my relationship with Don, but I’ll give you a thumbnail sketch. I idolized my brother when I was growing up. Since I was the baby in the family, Don was many years older than me. I wanted to do everything that Don did. Later on, I wanted to do it better than he did

My brother was legendary in the field of ophthalmic photography, and I entered the same field. To make a long story short, I entered the same field, and had some disagreements with Don about the course of my career, because some of my actions ran counter to Don’s interests. I simply attributed to this to “sibling rivalry,” my fierce desire and drive to better him.

The term sibling rivalry is common to all families, and is perceived as a normal phenomenon, without any combative connotation to it. Normally, it means a good natured competitve urge between siblings. However, upon closer examination of Don’s and my alpha male insincts, it became something more primal, more combat like.

We were two alpha males locked in a battle for supremacy.

Twinklebear’s being my soulmate, which led to my deep examination of my self, led me to the recent realization, that the dance I did with my brother, was between two alpha males, circling each other, each trying to find combative advantage. My brother was also a true alpha male, who had international respect professionally. He was used to ruling his professional roost.

I did achieve my goal professionally, but that, along with other familial factors–led to my estrangement from Don toward the end of his life (he passed away a few years ago).

But the important point here, is that I now know that our alpha male traits directed our movements–and the alpha genes were particularly strong in Don and me. I am normally a highly aggressive male anyway, and I now see the genesis of this aggressive tendency, in my alpha male genes.

My recent hyper-awareness of myself as an alpha male, arose because I had to understand myself in my relationship with my twin soul soulmate, Twinklebear. I felt that self examination was painful, but necessary. Understanding leads to the smoothing of the waters between soulmate partners.

There is a compulsive search for truth and clarity in soulmate relationships, because that is human nature. It is not normal for a male outside of a soulmate relationship, to have such a macroscopic and microscopic look at his ego and id. I closely examined my ALPHA MALE APPARATUS, thanks to My Love, Twinklebear.

Thank you Twinklebear, in helping me to understand myself better. You brought me out of my shell, so I could look inward and see what I really am. I love you.

Our soulmate journey, is indeed a voyage filled with self discovery.

I love you, Twinklbear
Forever and a day
Twin soul soulmates, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


2 thoughts on ““MEMOIR: SELF DISCOVERY”

  1. Aww I love you too, my Sookybear, you are so loving and sweet, I sometimes forget how competitive and primal you are. I am only happy that YOU came to the assumption , about your role within your family unit. Of course this article is about self discovery and our roles within a certain infrastructure. Yours of course with your male relative’s and then again with me.
    You are of course an “Alpha male! ” Yet you are soft and extremely loving too. I would say you have the perfect combination of masculine and feminine qualities. Not that you are in yourself feminine, but, you understand females. Especially now me . This is of course shown in your articles.
    Thank you so much for your honesty, and your words on our soul mate journey. They are truly great. I am glad , to have such a talented Soulmate. Always and a day! Podpact, bearpact,. 121212 .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. AC Twinklebear Lesley Maclean, thanks for confirming that I’m in touch with my feminine side! Ha! So funny! Just kidding! Awwww..my Twinklebear, my sweet Honeybear, my Sex Kitten—my cherished twin soul soulmate and podmate! I love you much, Forever and a day. Bear Pact Forever, My Love! 12 12 12


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