1974: Black jeans, black t-shirt—I’ve worn this exclusively since—with no exceptions.



“I’ve had this recurring dream since I was about 14 years old. There were some years I had it more frequently, but I had it at least twice a year, every year. In the dream, a really ancient Chinese man–he must have been centuries old in my dream–took me, kidnapped me from you, and imprisoned me in an underground type of place, beneath a Chinese restaurant.

It wasn’t like a basement, but more like London’s underground, if you know what I mean. This ancient man took me because he liked my light colored eyes—they were green in my dream. He imprisoned me in a glass casket in this underground, although I was alive.

The ancient man took me away from my lover, an Asian man who wore all black. I didn’t realize until I met you in 2015, that this man was you. His face was yours! In my dream, I now recognize his face, as having been yours. Anyway, this man who took me, was of a different tribe than you and me, if that makes sense.

In my dream, you wanted to get me back, to rescue me. You somehow got into this underground, and killed my captor, and then took me outside. The details of my dream were always the same, but I now recognize you, Sookybear, as my lover in my dreams! He always wore black in my dream, just like you always wear black–and his face in all my dreams, was your face!

You took me outside into the sunshine, and I looked all around, bewildered.

I said….’Where are we?’

You said….’Keep on running, we have to get away from here.’

It was cold where I was in captivity, but then we transitioned in my dream, into a warmer climate, like going from New York to Southern California, if you will. In my dreams, you look the same as you do now, in all black, but you were younger in my dreams. I think it is amazing that you were in all those dreams, all the dreams were the same dream. But the dreams stopped after I met you!”


RECENTLY: Me, wearing my customary black t-shirt and black jeans.

“But the dreams stopped after I met you.”

It all makes sense to me now. Why I’ve felt compelled to wear nothing but black jeans and black t-shirts, as my default baseline since I was a teenager. I often found this eccentricity, difficult to to explain to people, who saw me everyday, with this same basic wardrobe.

“Oh, I just have lots of black jeans and black t-shirts! You don’t see me in the same jeans and t-shirt, don’t be silly….”

….I would explain, sheepishly. It is clear to me now, Twinklebear Lesley Maclean, and I were a Twin Flame cpuple, in a different life—centuries ago. I shall explain this..

And her recurrent dreams, all the same dream, which she had continuously until they abruptly discontinued after we met in late 2015—was an indirect reflection of our life together before. Before we were reincarnated, that is—which is what we are. The very fact that these dreams stopped after we met in 2015, is significant in itself.

Like all dreams, Twinklebear’s recurrent dream was more surreal than in the real life we lived through previously, but the basic structure was there. Symbolically, our life centuries ago, was highlighted by this vivid, retrospective, and intensely introspective dream.

We both recognize that something like this abduction, did essentially occur centuries ago. Moreover, we think happened in Mongolia. In those brutal times, the era of Genghis Khan, women were taken like chattel. You must realize that my possessive and protective attitude toward Twinklebear, has to be viewed against this backdrop, when alpha males (and I am one) had to guard their women, vigilantly.

It is fascinating that we both have vague, latent memories of her having been forcefully taken from me, in Mongolia. These latent memories we share, are impossible to convey to others with any sense of “real world” credibility.

It was a cruel, violent world then, I have subconscious memories of this tableau. I can assure all though, I am the farthest from being a sexist male. My father in this life, did raise me in fact, to be very much a feminist in outlook.

I feel angry when I think of the man who took her from me. I want revenge!

I feel like it happened a month ago, and I feel like I want revenge. Like an anachronistic scenario from the very distant past, I still feel the anger, that pervaded my mind and soul centuries ago, at this violation of my Twinklebear. No doubt, this is a vestigial spiritual and subconscious phenomenon. My roiling emotions regarding this ancient violation, can only be explained by the idea that it did in fact, occur.

But this isn’t the only anachronistic phenomenon, that I’ve experienced with Twinklebear. I had feelings that I could not explain, ever since meeting Twinklebear in 2015—feelings that were inexplicably extreme, considering that Twinklebear and I were strangers then. Or so we thought.

Virtually from the first day that Twinklebear and I met (or now as we know better, reunited), I felt this overwhelming urge to protect her. I could not explain this to myself. I also felt this overarching possessiveness about her, that also did not make any sense, in a “real world sense”—but in the context of our past lives together, makes perfect sense, in retrospect.

“She was my woman then, and she was still was my woman….”

….I knew subconsciously in late 2015. Centuries apart be damned! She was my woman and nobody else was going to take her!

Of course, this is what I felt deeply internally, but could not yet voice with any coherent logic, to myself—never mind vocalize to Twinklebear, and others. But I felt this. As crazy as this sounds, I felt this, in the subterranean depths of my mind. At the surface of my mind, I thought that I might be going crazy!

Twinklebear’s recurrent dream was direct and irrefutable (we think) evidence, of our past lives in Mongolia, and the machinations of what occurred there in that long ago time. There have been, however, some amazing coincidences, that allude to Twinklebear’s and my time together centuries ago, on the spartan plains of Mongolia.

For example, Twinklebear developed a highly acute interest in Genghis Khan at an early age, which was very unusual in a child growing up in Britain. She read biographies and texts about Genghis Khan, and became somewhat of an authority on Temujin (Genghis Khan’s given name). This intense interest in this historical figure, baffled her mother.

Tie this fact in with the fact that I acquired the nickname of “Genghis” many decades ago, and you have one hell a mosaic, that would result after all the pieces of this reincarnation jigsaw puzzle, fell into place. This would consist of a mosaic of our personal drama on the steppes of Mongolia. The minutiae of how I acquired this nickname, are not relevant.

I seem to have been born to protect and love Twinklebear. My life has been inexorably tailored, from the childhood fistfights I engaged in on a weekly basis, to my entry and experience in the martial arts as an adult, to the template that was formulated in ancient times, with Twinklebear. I merely conformed to who I was back then, in my present reincarnated form.

I do not know if Temujin (Genghis Khan) wore all black like I do, or “me” in Twinklebear’s dreams. However, it is incontrovertibly significant, that I do wear all black in real life, just as I did in those dreams where I rescued Twinklebear. This compulsion to wear all black, ever since the age of 18, I feel, is strongly tied in with the Asian male—me—in the dreams. That is finally beginning to makes sense to me.

So was my absolute obsession, to want to protect and claim Twinklebear as my woman, since the very first day we met in 2015. Not to be crude about it, but in an extremely primal way, I felt from the very first day since we met, that I wanted to destroy and eliminate all other males in Twinklebear’s vicinity, if they posed a threat to her, or posed a threat to my alpha male standing with Twinklebear. Are these throwback instincts, from the year 1197? Twinklebear and I are convinced of it.

I love you, Twinklbear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, Podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way



  1. So accurate and poignant my Sookybear. Yes in these dreams, there was also an Asian lady. I forgot to mention, she was the alleged owner, of the Chinese restaurant. Although she was instrumental in my captivity, she also led you to me. So I don’t think she was the villain , as such …
    Thank you so much, for writing this memoir, you are so talented. I love you forever and a day ! Always .. my Sookybear. 121212 . What a revelation all of this truly is. It really is ” mind blowing! ” . There is a small poem I read some years ago , it goes a little something like this ” through the depths of time , you call to me , I listen and answer your call ” . This is how we are always .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What an insightful woman you are, AC Twinkebear Lesley Maclean. That part about the Chinese woman–interesting!
    That line from the poem you cited, is so memorable, and so applicable to us.I love you so much, Forever and a day. This is all so amazing alright—and gets more amazing by the day. 12 12 12 Bear Pact Forever, Super Soulmates, Podmates always!

    Liked by 1 person

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