COULDN’T LEAVE: My poor Twinklebear, I feel so bad that I tried!


“It all happens in the blink of an eye on an ordinary day—a day we weren’t even fully aware would actually come—and changes the entire course of our lives. One minute we were living life fine as we were, and the next it was turned upside down by the rush of energy, the change in vibration, from meeting a soulmate.

They moved with the clouds and suddenly, although everything was the same, it had also changed. We were drawn to them like a moth to a flame, and it didn’t matter about the whys or what stood in the way, all we knew was that we had to be close to this person—this soul that somehow called to ours -in a different way than anybody else.

So we fell, collided like a thousand falling stars, and we felt that connection, that wholeness that comes from uniting with a soul whom we’ve shared many lifetimes with. We didn’t know what it was, or more importantly, what we should do with it. Somewhere between all the times we got it wrong, and the nights we couldn’t stay away, we realized that maybe no matter what we felt, We had to break up. We had to say goodbye because we just couldn’t see any way this would ever work out.

So we left, or perhaps they were the one who left us standing under the moonlight as snowflakes softly coated the ground around us. But who did the leaving doesn’t matter, because both felt the cut of an incision across their souls—souls that at one time were perfectly aligned. And we got busy with getting on with our lives…yet no matter how busy we were or how distracted we were….we could still feel them—our soulmate.

Our souls imprinted on each other, and with that there was never an option to go back, never a moment to revert to life as we knew it….so we fell together and separated as frequently as the phases of the moon, although just as luminously.

We made love and ran way; we shared our secrets and pretended there was nothing special in the way we spoke. Hoping perhaps, that we will wear out our connection, or that we will finally receive a sign why this isn’t where we were meant to be—yet neither of those endings actually occur.

So…we finally give up trying to separate…we have surrendered to this connection that we were never able to define or label, and simply just accepted this love for what it was—a gift to us and part of our divine purpose. Because the reality is, no matter how we might try, we just can’t break up with a soulmate.”



Oh, my God! this is so accurately insightful regarding my own experience with my Soulmate and Podmate, Twinklebear—that I could have written that description of how it was about us two specifically, myself! From Kate Rose’s depiction, it is apparent that Twinklebear and I had followed a well-followed script, of how soulmate couples typically experience the soulmate phenomenon.

“Hey Sookybear and Twinklebear—join the club, okay?”

Early on in our Soulmate relationship, both Twinklebear and I did feel—as Kate Rose’s writing indicated is typical behavior for soulmate couples, that our worlds were torn up, and turned upside down. We were conflicted by, on the one hand—our undeniable deep love and need for each—with the illogical way we felt, so crazily, irreversibly in love, in spite of having just met.

Needless to say, that love was also in conflict with our respective “normal lives,” lives that just could not accommodate such a wild, adolescent-like and insatiable craving for each other! On more than one occasion, we each had muttered to ourselves in quiet moments of solitude….

“I don’t need this! It’s driving me crazy!”

And it was driving both of us crazy. The sudden and dizzying dive into the crazy-in-love abyss, was unsettling. It was like skydiving without a parachute. It upended our daily lives, because all of a sudden, we both felt compelled to spend as much time every day with each other, as possible. Time was a finite entity, and we were going through time like a drunken sailor goes through…well, you know.

Twinklebear was the stronger one!

SHE WAS STRONGER: She didn’t try to leave, I did.

When the chips were down in early 2016, Twinklebear turned out to be the stronger Soulmate. She did not attempt to leave our Soulmate relationship. I did—-three times. While she did subconsciously try to drive a wedge between us, it was I who did the dirty deed of actually trying to break up with her. Not once. Not twice. But three dumb times.

Twinklebear did engage in some feminine gymnastics, to try and drive me away, short of trying to leave me–but she did not try to leave me, as I did. Her modus operandus came from the classic Beautiful Woman’s Repertoire Of Distancing.

Like most gorgeous women, Twinklebear at the time I met her (or rather, had my Soulmate Reunion with—since we’d been Soulmates in past lives), had her share of other male admirers. It didn’t take much on her part to remind me of the attention of these other males, to wind me up in an effort to distance herself, from me. Jealousy in an male, creates a fight or flight response. In the end, for this Alpha Male, it was a bit of both—but the fighting instinct eventually prevailed.

I would like to emphasize that Twinklebear did not intentionally try to hurt me, for she is a gentle and caring woman. Making a man jealous mean-spiritedly, is uncharacteristic for a gentle Soul like Twinklebear. These female tricks were however, a coping mechanism for Twinklebear, because our deep love and need for each other, scared the hell out of her! As it did me, I might add.

My response as a true Alpha Male, was predictable enough. I simply drove the other admiring males away—by any and all means possible. Use what works!
No problem, man. But in the meantime, it really pissed me off. So much so, that I tried to leave her three times.

I was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame!

How wholly appropriate that platitude is, because simply put, Twinklebear is hot! But here is how each instance, of my trying to leave Twinklebear, went down.

Each instance consisted of a late-night resolution, to end it. To just end this madness! Then I advised Twinklebear, of my very logical decision. I would go to sleep, confident, that it was over! Yes, I would be strong about it. I would then happily go on with my life! This steel-like resolve, would still be in my mind, come the following morning. Then on the way to work, I would experience this crushing emptiness in my heart and stomach region.

My God, what excruciating anguish that was!

From that moment, with every passing minute, my stomach would clench even tighter, and the feeling of a physical ache in my heart, increased. What I was feeling, was heartache. I had never felt such emotional pain before! It made me want to cry. Oh, the thought of never seeing Twinklebear again, was so horrible to contemplate! It hurt so much.

By the time I got to work, I was contacting Twinklebear, asking for forgiveness–and imploring her to take me back. Luckily, even though she was sorely tempted to say no, she was experiencing the same extreme pain and empty feeling, that true heartache brings. And thankfully, she acquiesced. She later told me, she’d never felt that type of intense emotional pain, before—where it feels like one is being gutted.

You’d think that that very first time I tried to leave, would have taught me a lesson, but no. We had such a rough period of denial in early 2016, trying to adjust to this Soulmate Thing Of Ours, that I tried two more times to try to leave her. To no avail. Every instance transpired the same as the first. My love and need for Twinklerbear, was too much to try and defeat.

But, that was then and this is now. Just as Kate Rose’s template for Soulmate behavior dictated….

“…we have surrendered to this connection….and simply accepted this love for what it was—a gift to us and a part of our divine purpose.”

Twinklebear and I have accepted our true Soulmate status, and our deep love and need for each other. We have adjusted. Thank God!

I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Soulmates and Podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


2 thoughts on ““MEMOIR: I TRIED TO LEAVE”

  1. Oh my goodness! Wow! Aww, so amazingly accurate, and in depth , my sookybear. I love you for all eternity! ( btw the sky dive without the parachute , I will jump out to rescue you ! ) ha! Right after I get over the vertigo !!
    We certainly did try to stop ! Yet fate, has us together. It is written in the cosmos. We know this for certain, as our ” pod ” awaits. I am so glad my soul mate is you! ( lose the. Funny accent and we’re even better) heh… just joking! On a serious note! Our humour is part of our gel , it somewhat resonates with the other deep, in our souls.
    Much like our incredible urge , to please each other , I mean not just to make each other laugh , we actually aim to make the other one happy! Instead of ourselves we are totally geared up , to serve only each other. The compatibility , is amazing !! Also the encompassing feelings we have for each other . Thank you for another beautiful article, on our journey . ” here’s to the next 1000 years , and beyond .121212 always and a day ..


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha! YOU! You gorgeous Brit, you! I obviously have to teach you how to speak English, properly! Yes, I can visualize us skydiving, commando (*WINK*). But seriously speaking, my mission in life, is to make you happy. That is what Soulmates do. The first thing I SHOULD do, is all the cooking, because we don’t want to take too many trips to the hospital, after your cooking (*RUNNING*)…..*DONK!*…hey–that hurt! HA! I love you Forever and a day, my sweet Honeybear. 12 12 12 🙂


    Liked by 1 person

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