TWINKLEBEAR: The love of my life.
I find writing to be a cathartic exercise, in organizing one’s thoughts and philosophy, for the purpose of informing readers of said thoughts. It is cathartic, because it reveals to the writer, greater insight to his or her thoughts, opinions and motivations. This introspective method also serves to improve the writer’s life, in that the writer learns more about himself–and that improves the lives of people around him by osmosis.
These Sookybear memoirs have revolved around my love for my Soulmate, Twinklebear, and this article is no exception. What has inspired and informed this particular memoir article, was a very rare disagreement I had with Twinklebear just today. It was notably inspiring, because these disagreements are so few and far between. Usually, our chemistry is so picture perfect—that disagreements are conspicuous by their presence.
Occasionally, I discover small pockets of misunderstandings between us, that I find to be a shock to my system, because they are so rare. It is however, good to examine these, so that the fine, compatible machine that Twinklebear and I truly are as Soulmates, becomes even better.
I said earlier, that writing informs readers of a writer’s thoughts. Writing does however, serve another purpose.
Writing can deliver hidden messages.
Legendary football coach Bill Parcells, famously used the press to indirectly give messages to his players. Often, the things Parcells uttered to sports reporters, were meant to urge his players to perform better, or else risk getting cut from the team. Believe me, these players read Parcells’ comments in the papers, and they got the message alright! It is this indirect methodology, that I am now using to speak to my Twinklebear, whom I love more than I can possible convey in words.
In this case, it is to deliver this message to my beloved Honeybear, Twinklebear Maclean:
I will always love, need and want you, Baby—of that there is no doubt—and I will never hurt you.
I don’t believe that I’m betraying any sacrosanct privacy of Twinklebear’s, by saying that she carries the residue, of an uneasy past relationship. This is not unique to her. Many women share this unfortunate experience. It has in Twinklebear’s case, somewhat skewed her “Trust Meter.” This disruption of her Trust Meter, occasionally produces fear, simply based on the past.
Such an incident happened this morning, that brought Twinklebear’s past roaring back to the fore. Let me just say that it was about one specific issue of misinterpretation–but as you will see, this type of misunderstanding can relate to any issue. Twinklebear said to me….
“The other day, I said I badly wanted (fill in the blank with any issue) and you laughed it off.”
Here’s where the misunderstanding occurs, where one partner doesn’t precisely comprehend the other other partner’s thought process and motivation, of the moment. The explanation is this (this is for you, Honeybear): Like many males, my thought processes are solutions-oriented–I think this predilection is peculiar to males. How often have you heard the complaint from wives…
“All I wanted him to do was listen to me, not try to solve my problem!”
Men are inherently wired differently than females. Females want empathy, and males try to think of solutions. As soon as I’m presented with a problem that has no immediate resolution, my mind immediately goes into a “find the solution mode.” I can be like a dog with a bone with respect to this. I find it frustrating, when I can’t come up with a solution to a problem. While this is happening (like the other day, Honeybear), my mind shuts off for a proper response that might mitigate misunderstanding, and goes full-bore into trying to find a solution.
So, instead of reflexively saying—as a female would say—“Yes, I want that too…,” I as a male who has this problem-solving drive hardwired into myself, did not respond as expected by my Soulmate, and a disagreement ensued days later. Then the confrontational nature of our discussion, reminded Twinklebear too much, of her past.
What triggered Twinklebear’s perception that I was “laughing off” her concerns, was my glib answer of, “Yeah, yeah..” as I thought about the problem, racking my brain for an answer to this issue. Our tension today, entirely my fault—elevated because anger I showed brought flashes of fear in Twinklebear, based on past life events.
Twinklebear is a gentle soul who does not fare well with confrontation. The fault lies in my failure to realize how my non-answer the other day, would be construed as brushing my Soulmate off. It was misunderstanding on both parts, that produced the rare tension of this morning.
Introspective analysis aside, this brings me ultimately, to my “hidden message” to my beloved Twinklebear:
I love you Twinklebear, Forever and a day. I will always love, need and want you, all day, and every day, beyond all reason, because I am crazy in love you. I will never hurt you physically, or any other way. I will always protect you, in any and all ways, my love. And I will never leave you.
SCOTT “SOOKYBEAR” WONG