LIKE AN OCEAN: Navigating Twinklebear’s waters.
Since 1980, I’ve written about nothing except the martial arts. In 1989, I added writing about the biker subculture to my repertoire. Yet here I sit, ruminating in print about love. I might as well be penning a love advice column. What should I call this love advice column?
Yeah, that’s it.
On second thought, nah, no advice columns for me, man. Just a few honest words, here and there, about my life. Those readers who have paying attention, know that I now and then, take a veering change of direction from motorcycles, to my love life. Those paying attention to these sudden shifts, also know that it is because of a tender and loving woman, I’ve fallen head over heels in love with, Twinklebear, pictured.
But if you have been paying attention, you’d know that it has been more than a merely falling head over heels, madly in love issue (as if that wasn’t enough! Ha!), but an extraordinary bonding. A bonding that falls into the profound category of love beyond the ages, a love so deep, that it transcends even a full lifetime—a love hat will never fade in meaning or intensity. Twinklebear and I simply cannot live without each other. That can be depicted as a platitude, but in our case, it is a truism.
That being said, let me make some observations. Such unusual couplings that transcend ages and space, as I have with Twinklebear, present their own challenges and obstacles. Challenges and obstacles I assure you reader—that Twinklebear and I will overcome—without a shadow of a doubt. Pure love is not always accompanied by ideal conditions, as forwarded by real life. Real life can have a wicked sense of humor and timing.
Real life does not accommodate even the greatest of loves.
One of those curves thrown by real life, is the inability to understand, and the inability or unwillingness to adapt to the beautiful vagaries of the female persons we commit our eternal Soulmate love to. A case in point, is my relationship with my true Soulmate and love of my life, Twinklebear.
Women can be such a mystery to us men, and I have to say that unraveling the mysteries of the beauteous Twinklebear, has been a labor of love and caring. I care about what she feels at any given time, and this has been the key to understanding Twinklebear, and adapting to her always beautiful personality. It has not only been my privilege to love and know her inner person intimately—but also my duty. A man’s duty is to care and protect his woman, in every sense of the word, and under all conditions.
Truly loving and caring for another person at this oceans-deep level, means making sure that it is “not all about me.” She in turn, feels the same about me. Gotta tell ya though, as Twinklebear and I are both the babies of our families, we are both pretty big brats. For each of us, making it not about our each respective selves—goes against the grain. In other words…
“Waaaaaaaa….I want it done my way…waaaaa!”
But, we do make this accommodation. We feel that in a loving Soulmate relationship, consideration of the other takes precedence. There is such a deep caring on each our parts for the other, that it is otherworldly, and hard to find in the ordinary loving relationship.
One way we men who truly love and care about our Soulmates, and demonstrate and administer this love is, we must recognize those special times when a man must yield his interests, in the interest of keeping his woman happy, and to prevent the moment from becoming volatile. Not to be indelicate, but these times routinely occur every 28 days.
Some women react little to changes in body and psyche at these times, some greatly. There is no right or wrong, only it is what it is with individual females. With loving Twinklebear for the past year, I learned a new acronym peculiar to Britain (Twinklebear’s a Brit and I’m a Yank): “PMT.” That stands for “premenstrual tension” which is a slight variation of the acronym of “PMS” (premenstrual syndrome) used in America.
It is a stereotype, that a man whose woman has PMT, must walk on eggshells, in order to not upset his woman during these especial times. I prefer to call this “extreme ingratiation” to maintain homeostasis in the relationship.
But kidding aside, making certain accommodations, is a necessary part of loving and caring of your woman. PMT or PMS times are trying times for women, whose endocrinological compasses are thrown for a loop, which makes it more difficult for women to distinguish the true intent or motives of their ignorant, neanderthal male mates.
This skewing of objective judgement of dumb males’ comments, usually produce questions such as, “What do you mean by that?” or statements like, “It’s all about you!” and the infamous following comment that accompanies it like a twin, “I have feelings too, ya know!”
We’re all familiar with these phrases. The whole key to averting emotional disaster in these situations, is to reassure our loved ones, in dulcet tones, “Yes dear. You are right dear, as usual.” Do not say this patronizingly, or you will be hit with the nearest hammer-like object. Say it with the intent of showing that you truly understand the tumult your woman is feeling, and that you commiserate. It is obvious that saying “Yes dear, you are right” is said as a disarming joke, but humor can be extremely salubrious.
I know. I can’t help but poke fun, but there is an element of truth, a kernal of wisdom, that states that a little kindness during PMT, goes a long way to defusing a potentially explosive elevation of hostility.
Then there is the dead-serious topic of doubt raised in female minds, doubts that are fed by subconscious fears and insecurities regarding the relationship that are exacerbated by separation anxiety–and brought to the surface by PMT timing. Indeed, these subterranean fears may lie deep beneath the surface all the time, but they are brought to the fore during PMT time, when any and all innocently uttered comments by dumb males—are given intensely significant meaning, because of the upsetting of the delicate female enodcrinological ecosystem.
These fears are the most serious consequences of PMT, because they are magnified tenfold during PMT. Take these issues very seriously, and treat your woman accordingly—gently and with care when such doubts arise. Remember the magnified manner in which your woman experiences these doubts. You may never understand how real these feelings are, but please get it, that they are felt by your woman, and they are real.
Okay, so save any more questions for the next installment of “Dear Sookybear.” Okay?
FULL DISCLOSURE: The writing of this article, is my way of telling Twinklebear how very much I love and need her. It is my peculiar way of reassuring her, in a time of separation anxiety.
I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day.
SCOTT “SOOKYBEAR” WONG