MY SOULMATE & LOVER TWINKLEBEAR: Proof of a higher power
I don’t know. Aside from a religious experience at the age of 13, of a decidedly Christian variety, I had been brought up as an agnostic. I have definitely spent all of my life, as a skeptic in general. However, this past year has convinced me, that there is a higher power than us, in charge of things, perhaps even directing events and people, in a deliberative fashion.
When I met my Honeybear over a year ago, neither of us was looking for any romantic involvement, beyond what was already in our lives. We both respectively, were living comfortable lives. The keyword here, is comfortable. If there is one very important lesson Twinklebear and I have learned in the past year, it is that it is possible to live a “comfortable” life, without that life including extraordinary joy and happiness. One can live a comfortable life, with joy and happiness—but the extraordinary brand of these attributes?
Those are joy and happiness, beyond the normal borders of what constitutes ordinary joy and happiness. It is the extraordinary type of joy and happiness, that my Soulmate and lover Twinklebear and I enjoy, and are thankful for, every minute, hour and day of our lives.
As I said, Twinklebear and I were comfortable with where we were in our respective lives, and were loathe to change in any significant way. The problem was, we were drawn inexorably to each other, much as two overcharged and out of control electromagnets of opposite poles, clash together, in a joyous and inevitable meeting of the metals, representing at the same time—the immovable object meeting the irresitible force.
If you think that the irresistible force and immovable object analogy is inappropriate, you’d be wrong. Twinklebear and I are so similar in this respect: we are two of the most stubborn people you could ever meet, but who operate in showing that stubbornness, in different ways.
I am an Alpha Male, and as such, I always want my way. Twinklebear is a Free Spirit, and as such, she will rebel at the very thought that she should comply in any way to someone else’s will, and behaves in just the opposite way. This is key to the way we reacted, to our sudden and incendiary attraction to each other. In short, we both climbed into shells of denial, and pretended that our mutual attraction (and inevitability) did not exist.
The first indication that our denial wasn’t working, was that we could not stop thinking about each other. And I mean, could not stop thinking about each other, night and day. In my own way, I tried to use my denial as a motivator to try to leave Twinklebear, a few times in the early days of 2016. This had the effect on Twinklebear, as she said, “Made me feel gutted, the worst feeling in the world, like my heart had been cut out.” I think that the British term of gutted in the context of heartbreak, is so apt, so excellently descriptive
I tried to leave, because I was so confused about my own thinking and emotions, and could not admit to myself, that I was falling crazy in love with this captivating woman–because that inevitability, would turn my world upside down. I tried to cling to my “comfortable” existence.
The trouble with my attempting to leave Twinklebear in early 2016, was that each time after declaring my intent, with the dirty deed done—I started to feel more and more gutted. God, was I missing my Twinklebear, I was feeling gutted, and this was in less than 24 hours of leaving her, every time. The handwriting was on the wall. This “gutted feeling” of heartbreak and missing her, was a preview and a precursor, of even greater misery if we didn’t reconcile.
Can you say “”Fate?”
Can you see where I’m going with this? Somebody or Something was keeping us together, in contravention to Twinklebear’s and my wish to end this misery, and pain that was mixed in with the joys of loving each other. And believe me, there was plenty of pain on both sides.
In the ensuing days of early 2016–a period that Twinklebear and I refer to as, the period of us persevering through our “storms”—we each questioned our sanity. Neither us us had ever experienced the intense levels of unrelenting need, wanting and love for the other. Sure, there were other “loves” and love in our lives, but nothing like we felt with each other. We began to feel that there was a large hand of Someone or Something, that was directing our fate, and the events in our lives.
We didn’t know what was happening, and we each in our own way, tried to rebel against it.
Then there is the issue of reincarnation, of us knowing that we had been a couple in previous lives in different ages. We had visions and intimations of those times, in us knowing each other so well, far too well for two people who had just met. Key phrases known to each other, used commonly, when two people who had just met, could not be familiar with these. Being able to have the same thought simultaneously, and saying that thought at the same times. Looking into each other’s eyes for minutes and hours, and knowing with unquestioned certainty, that we had know each other, before this this lifetime.
Here’s an example of this phenomenon, just from this morning. I’d had a bad night of sleeping, because my left shoulder was bothering me. I’d had old injuries, and sometimes the pain flared up. Twinklebear and I spoke from our respective homes this morning, and she said, “I had a bad night, because my shoulder and back were bothering me. I never get that. Were you hurting during the night?” After a minute of talking, she revealed that it was her left shoulder.
This ability to sense, and indeed feel and actually experience the pain, physical or mental of one’s partner. is a sign of true Soulmates. Through Twinklebear’s and my experiences just like this incident over the past year, I now fully accept that we are true Soulmates in the most profound and metaphysical meaning, of the word.
The latter half of this year, saw a calming of the storms, and a strengthening of our love. This was due primarily, to Twinklebear and my shedding those barriers of denial which we both erected in the beginning, as misdirected defensive mechanisms. We have finally accepted that we are inevitable. We are true Soulmates. We accept that Someone or Something has a plan for us, and we are being directed, to love each other, always.
I love you Twinklebear, Forever and a day.
SCOTT “SOOKYBEAR” WONG