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Twinklebear says that one’s “inner core” is like the center of an onion.



I heard a professional football athlete and trainer once say, “Your health goes from your conditioning on up”. It seems that today’s fitness emphasis is on strengthening your “core”. It has been said that all of our movements are powered by the torso or core – this includes the abs and back working together as they support the spine. The torso is considered the body’s center of power. The stronger your core, the stronger the rest of you.

The same thing applies to your inner core. Every person is where they are based on the condition of their being. If your inner core is healthy, the rest of you is healthy. If your inner core is unhealthy, the same follows.

One of Henry Nouwen’s favorite paintings was of a wheel because he said it reminded him of living your life from the center. When we live our life from the “rim” of the wheel, we focus on externals – what you can see with your eye or hear with your ear. Externals will never make you strong in your inner core.


“Here’s what I want you to understand, my Sookybear. What you are doing now after your surgeries is like what I went through after my surgery, and it takes time and patience. You are, and I still am, working on strengthening our “inner cores,” and this is different than strengthening let’s say, your biceps.

Think of your inner core as an onion. You peel away the hard outer layers, and after you get to the center, you notice that the center or “inner core” has gone soft. This inner core is what you and I are working on to get back to normal. I do it with dance and fitness exercises, and you do it with walking and martial arts.”


How can somebody so gorgeous be so smart and wise?

Oh my God, my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” is so beautiful and sexy, and oh so smart! You saw what she imparted to me about strengthening our inner cores—and she’s right! I gave what she said a great deal of thought, and took it to heart. Her advice was so significant, that it took profound contemplation to make sense of it.

Twinklebear’s analogy of our inner cores being like the center of an onion is so clever. As she later told me, the analogy of a person’s inner core being like the core of an onion, came to her when she peeled an onion for cooking. Twinklebear’s intelligence and concept quotient is so high, that she can spontaneously have deep insights like this. She is a “clever clogs,” as they say in England. Ha!

Another valid analogy is that one’s inner core is like Earth’s inner core. Both hold the vitality of life, the former a person’s life and the latter the planet’s life.

The Earth’s inner core, is the very center of our planet’s life. This inner core shows its vitality, by its extreme temperature which is roughly 9,800 degrees Fahrenheit, which is as hot as the sun. The Earth’s inner core’s hot temperature is analogous to our inner core’s “hardness” or toughness. Perhaps you can imagine what would happen if the Earth’s inner core precipitously cooled off.

Scientists say that if the Earth’s inner core completely cooled (which won’t happen for several billion years), that it would become like Mars with a very thin atmosphere making it difficult for life to survive.

My sexy Twinklebear, is so wise as to be able to see what the epicenter of life consists of, especially during a rehab after surgery. I love my Twinklebear, so much, too much! Ha! So wise and smart. She’s a “smartarse” too.

Speaking of being wise, she is a real wisearse sometimes, another sign of her vital intelligence. It takes smarts to have a keen sense of humor. I love
our joyous and sarcastic humor! Ha! So funny!

Twinklebear, first of all……and let me tell you another thing…


I love you Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


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TWINKLEBEAR: My Twin Flame is an angel of mercy.



Altruistic: Having or showing an unselfish concern for the welfare of others


“Everyone knows at least one of those people who are willing to jeopardize their own health and well-being to help others. What is it that inspires these individuals to give their time, energy….for the betterment of others, even when they receive nothing tangible in return? Altruism is one aspect of what social psychologists refer to as prosocial behavior. Prosocial behavior refers to any action that benefits other people, no matter what the motive or how the giver benefits from the action. Remember, however, that pure altruism involves true selflessness.”


When discussing true altruism—my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” comes to mind. An off the cuff definition of an altruistic person, is a person who is so good, that she cares for the welfare of others more than her own welfare, at times to her own detriment. That in a nutshell, is my Twinklebear. However, I don’t have to search psychological textbooks to explain her altruism. There is a simpler yet more profound explanation for it.

Twinklebear is a true angel of mercy.

In the Christian tradition, an “angel of mercy” is a messenger from God, sent to Earth to help others. This is truer with respect to Twinklebear, than any psychobabble that can be found. My Baby is a true angel, pure and good. When I say to her, “You are an angel!”—I mean it in the fullest and purest meaning of the phrase.

In the tradition of true selfless angels, Twinklebear sometimes gets hurt helping others. At times, the people she helps mistake her true goodness for weakness, and perhaps try to take advantage of her. But there is no doubt in my mind, that she is an angel of mercy, and I wouldn’t want her to change for the world.

She is a far stronger and better person than some of the clueless people she helps.

I have witnessed Twinklebear have her feelings hurt by people she helps, only to regroup from the experience, and come back strong to help those same people like nothing happened. She is a truly inspiring woman!

I can’t tell you how much I admire Twinklebear for this. It is one of a thousand reasons why I love her so much. Even as I see her at times getting hurt being altruistic, she absorbs any pain and moves on, being true to herself. She is one tough lady!

A tough “angel of mercy”—golden wings flapping resolutely, in the war to benefit others. She is a true carer, a warrior of mercy from Heaven. The term “carer” these days is thrown around so casually, usually as a job description. However, in Twinklbear’s case the term “carer” carries with it, the mantle and assignment of Heaven.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Bear Pact Forever!
Twin Flames, podmates always
12 12 12 in every way!


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My poor baby!

My poor baby, my Twin Flame Twinklebear, is coldified. She has a bad cold which started a few days ago. Coincidentally, I’m just getting over a similar kind of cold. This is actually a hallmark of our Twin Flame journey, a Twin Flame synchronicity. More often than not starting in December of 2015, we have had colds at exactly the same time. We call these “AC colds.” “AC” is our peculiar code for Twin Flame.

Twinklebear and I believe that these AC colds are spiritually related because of our Twin Flame connection, which is so super strong. However, these particular colds which we currently have (her) or are getting over (me), are just coincidental.

Awwww…my poor baby!

My poor Twinklebear. Hey, poor me too! We both hate colds so much. People say, “Hey, it’s only a cold.” That is true. Colds are not really dangerous infections.

But colds feel so awful!

But there is a backstory to why I wanted to write about these current colds, besides how badly I feel for my baby—my poor baby! Three months ago, I came down with a cold. It seemed to resolve within a few days, but then certain symptoms persisted. Sinus headaches, that ticklish feeling in the back of my throat which indicates drainage from my sinuses, a cough which resulted from that post-nasal drip.

This went on for weeks, and then months. But through reading about these persistent symptoms, I discovered that i probably had chronic sinusitis with a post-nasal drip. I decided to be proactive (and that did not include seeing a doctor for a cold–I’ve never done that) and follow the advice given in articles about chronic sinusitis.

The best advice in those articles, was to hold one’s head over a humidifier with a towel over one head, to maximize the exposure to the steam. It was also advised to incorporate an essential oil like eucalyptus in the steamed air. I didn’t have a humidifier, so I had to get one.

I bought a warm mist humidifier and used it along with the mixing of the steam with an essential oil. I started using the humidifier, but instead of an essential oil like eucalyptus, I used Vick’s Vaposteam, which has the same effect. In order to get the most effective treatment, I tented a shirt over my head over the humidified air mixed with the Vaposteam. I’ve done this several times a day.

Then, after three months of experiencing these on and off “coldified” symptoms, my current cold went away. Miraculously, so had the symptoms of the chronic sinusitis.

Today, I had the distinct pleasure of being able to lie down in bed, to read my book, Jack Weatherford’s “Genghis Khan and The Quest For God.” I had not been able to enjoy this simple pleasure since early October, because lying down made me feel like I had to suppress a cough.

So, as I feel total sympathy for my baby because of her cold, I am happy to have gotten over cold symptoms that have persisted since early October. In the meantime, let me say to Twinklebear….

Awwwww…my poor baby! Awwww…I love you.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!


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This is a confidential look into the very inner sanctum of my Twin Flame journey with my Twin Flame, “Twinklebear.” Normally, the inner workings and interactions between Twinklebear and I in this inner sanctum, are private to the nth degree. However, in an effort to edify Twin Flame scholars all over the world, I am allowing this limited and brief look into this sacred ground.

The other possible result of this privileged allowance—an unintended consequence if you will—is that Twinklebear will kill me in an extremely slow and painful way with her ‘Donking Rolling Pin.’

“SIGH”…what I do for science…

To illustrate the theme of this memoir, I am going to cite two conversations that Twinklebear and I had. The first took place yesterday. The second took place a few weeks ago. I must provide some background regarding yesterday’s conversation, so that you can understand it in context:

I’ve been recovering from a cold for the past few days, and although it was substantially better by yesterday, yesterday was still a day when I had a sinus headache accompanied by gastrointestinal upset. Most of yesterday was occupied with lying in bed, trying to sleep away the sinus headache and secondary upset stomach


4:35 AM:
ME: “Baby, that tea made my tummy queasy. I’m going to veg and let it settle. I’ll see you later. I love you”

4:05 PM:
ME: “Hi Baby, how was your day?”

TWINKLEBEAR: “I felt like you were not keen on me today! Where were you?”

ME: “You silly billy, I love you more than ever! I was not feeling well baby, and then I watched the Jets game. The game just ended.”

TWINKLEBEAR: “You told me the game was on at 1:00 PM. What about before then? Waaaaaaa!

ME: “But I wasn’t feeling well.”

TWINKLEBEAR: “But that didn’t stop you from watching TV!”

ME: “Awww…you are such a brat! I love my brat! Awwwww….”

TIWNKLEBEAR: “Waaa! I know! I love you too.”



ME: “Waaaa! I feel like we’re drifting! We’re not seeing each other enough!”

TWINKLEBEAR: “Oh, you’re being a silly billy! We’re not drifting. It’s just that I have to get my swimming exercise at the pool in on certain days. We make up the time for those days. I feel compelled to stay in condition after my surgery last year. Awwww..I love you my Sookybear, you silly sausage!

ME: “I know, I was just being insecure–a brat! Waaaa!”


Before Twinklebear starts swinging her “Donking Rolling Pin,” let me just say that when Twinklebear is being a brat, I find it strangely endearing. Awwww, my Twinklebear, I am so in love with you.

Twinklebear and I know that one of us acts like a brat, it is a deep expression of love and need that is certainly an integral part of our Twin Flame journey. It is not inherent in the generic Twin Flame journey, but it is uniquely a part of ours.

Really, in our Twin Flame journey it harkens back to a time of childhood innocence, when emotions are displayed unfiltered in their totality. Perhaps our being the “babies of the family” has something to do with it. One of the Twin Flame “coincidences” (known as a type of “Twin Flame synchronicity”), is that we are both the youngest of four siblings. Another is that we were both “preemies”—premature births by 5 or 6 weeks.

In the Twin Flame World, there are no coincidences.

When either of us is being a brat, momentary bewilderment may occur in the other, followed by pure love and adoration. I find it so endearing when my Twinklbear acts like a brat. Awwwww….I love my beloved brat!


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forevever!
12 12 12 in every way!


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Dear Santa,

What I really want for Christmas is a Twin Flame. I’ve wanted one ever since I read about what Twin Flames are. Whaddya ya mean, “What’s a Twin Flame?” What, you don’t have internet in the North Pole? What’s up with that?

Okay, a Twin Flame is a one of a kind soulmate who is special made—special ordered by God, if you will—who is the only person in the Universe that you can be totally open and honest with. Supposedly, God split up these 72,000 couples at the dawn of time (hey, I’m goin’ by what’s in the Bible, okay?) to form 144,000 “Twins.” These Twins are from the same single soul, before they were split up by the Big Guy.

Santa, it would be really special if you could give me my Twin Flame for Christmas, and for all days, of course! I’ve read that Twins have such a special and close relationship, that isn’t possible with non-Twins. I yearn for that person who makes my days so joyful, that they remind of the unfettered joys of childhood. I want to share this with someone, someone who I can be silly and childlike, and funny without barriers, and be myself

If I could be presumptuous in my request Santa, it sure wouldn’t hurt if my Twin were hot! Please make her sexy? Oh yeah, baby! And maybe exotic! What do I mean by exotic? Ummm…no, not Nigerian. How about a beautiful busty blonde Brit? Yeah! I love those English accents, so sexy!

And I want her to have a wicked sense of humor to match mine. Pleased make her sarcastic and funny…and quick witted! Awwww…that would be great!

Thank you Santa!



Dear Santa,

Thank you for granting my Christmas wishes from three years ago!

My Twin that you sent me, my gorgeous Twinklebear, is all that I asked for in my 2015 letter! She is smart as a wicked whip, with a cutting yet loving sense of humor.

And so sexy and beautiful! Omg, that face and body! Such a turn-on she is, and what a classical beauty. All that and Einstein brains too!

Our days are spent sharing everything, we are that close. I never dreamt that I could be so close to another human being, that all my defenses and barriers I have naturally with others, would fall. We can and do talk about anything!

Santa, I do have one complaint, though. Did you have include a “Donking Rolling Pin” with the package. The package itself, was great even without it!


Hey, owww!

Thank you anyway Santa, and Merry Christmas!


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, Podmates awlays.
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!


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Approximately 16 million Asian men consider themselves to be Genghis Khan’s descendants. It turns out that may actually be true. Almost four years ago Zerijal and fellow researchers published a paper showing Y-chromosome variability of 2,123 inhabitants of different regions in Asia. They discovered a whole cluster of closely-related lines, all having a common ancestor.

They originated from Mongolia when Khan lived and its distribution coincided with the boundaries of his empire. Khan consolidated the Mongolian tribes in 1206. Over time the Mongolian state grew to encompass China, Central Asia, Iran and a large part of Russia.


If there is one common theme that runs through these memoirs about my Twin Flame journey with my Twin Soul “Twinklebear,” it is the indisputable fact that I have been put on this Earth to protect my Twinklebear by any means possible, in any way feasible.

One tributary of that common theme, a subtext of it if you will, is that I have done so though the ages in past lives, as Twinklebear and I are reincarnated Twin Souls. Part of that subtext, is that Twinklebear’s protectors in past lives were in the Mongolian mold of Temujin (Genghis Khan), the conqueror of the 13th century. Indeed, they might have likely been me.

If you sift through these memoirs, you will read about one specific recurrent dream that Twinklebear has had since her teenage years, about a man she has recognized as I, rescuing her from a kidnapper in an early century in Asia. The specifics of this recurrent dream, have been amazingly consistent over the years.

Interestingly, one detail that Twinklebear has had in these dreams that she paid little attention to, was of an older woman who also helped to shield her from harm. The most fascinating aspect of this detail in Twinklebear’s recurrent dream, is a recent epiphany Twinklbear had about this woman. Twinklebear recently realized that this woman was my mother. You can read abiut this realization in Memoir: Candy Connection.”

Of great significance, this recurrent dream that Twinklebear has had since her teen years, abruptly stopped when she met me in 2015, as if she had been waiting for my arrival in her life—and when I did, it was a signal that I was her rescuer in her dreams.

I have been sent here to protect my Twinklebear!

It has been well established that a great many men in Asia, are directly descended from Temujin (Genghis Khan). However, how many of those millions of men of Asian descent, have the nickname of “Genghis” as I have had since my early 20s? Not many.

Included in these coincidences that run through Twinklebear’s life—like an angel’s golden thread—is that she has had an unexplained fascination with Genghis Khan from an early age. Described in many of the earlier memoirs, is the humorous childhood scene of Twinklebear demanding books about Genghis Khan from her mum in book stores. I can picture her stamping her little bratty feet. Ha! So cute! I find it hilarious that she did this, when other eight year old girls wanted coloring books and a box of crayons.

Twinklebear had a vision recently, about Genghis Khan as a looming figure, there to protect her. This occurred while looking at her shadow on the street. In this vision, Twinks herself appeared as a Mongolian woman, statuesque and lovely. A similar figure also appeared in a vision that she had while in recovery in the hospital during her September 2017 surgery for a serious problem. Many times, Twinklebear has had dreams and visions of a Genghis Khan like figure, protective and comforting.

That brings us to the present.

If and when that was me in her visions and dreams of the past—been there done that!

But I am here now, in this lifetime. How to protect my Twinklebear, and against what? And using what weaponry?

I can tell you one thing—it won’t be with the blades (unless you count the surgeon’s scalpel, which I enabled) and arrows of Genghis Khan’s time. I do have my martial arts expertise, which “can do” (a Brit idiom I love—ha!) in an emergent situation. I do have my Colt .45 caliber pistols, which can hardly be applied in a civilized time as we live in. So, how best to protect my Twinklebear, and against what?

An obvious “against what?” was the cancer that Twinklebear was diagnosed with last year. In the 21st century, it is not possible to fight this with knives (except the surgical scalpel), arrows or even bullets. In this civilized era, more age-appropriate weapons need to be employed.

Twinklebear was subject to the dispassionate delays characteristic of a bureaucratic socialized medicine system, when she was found to have cancer last year. Where delays might have meant certain outcomes I don’t want to contemplate, I arranged for Twinklebear to have the life-saving surgery with an excellent private surgeon, very soon instead.

Her surgery was expedited by weeks and perhaps months, ensuring a healthy and satisfying outcome. In this day and age, the delays of medically necessary surgery inherent in a socialized system can be as deadly as an evil abductor in 13th century Asia–and I saved her from that fate. What other threats face her, that are more nebulous?

I don’t want to sound too mysterious, but there have been dark forces conspiring against Twinklbear for years before I met her. These dark forces, are as toxic and malignant as those that we conquered medically last year. Unfortunately, these malignant forces have not been vanquished. They persist, and are as real and as threatening as they have been in the past. Here, my way of combating these forces are more subtle than our battle with cancer. My answer to this might be as mysterious, but it is true.

My weapon of choice is the certainty of my wisdom.

The malignant forces that pose a threat to Twinklbeear, forces she must be on guard against vigilantly, use psychological warfare in a methodical way, that is disturbing and can be devastating if unchecked by keen observation and objective wisdom. This is where I come in.

Psychological warfare can be a lengthy process, one that can take years to emerge victorious in. In our case, Twinklebear has had me in her corner as her consigliere. Psychological warfare is wearying, and in the long run just as detrimental as physical combat.It is deceptive, as it eats away at the edges of self-respect, distorting one’s self-image.


consigliere: member of a Mafia family who serves as an advisor

I have advised Twinklebear for the past three years since we met. In many ways, I feel that my wisdom has been more consequential than my help with Twinklebear’s surgery last year. I live to protect my Twinklebear. It is my mission in life. I will protect her in any way that I can, using whatever resources are available and applicable.

I am here to protect Twinklebear.


I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way


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OUR CHRISTMAS POD: Magical world full of love.

It is well accepted in the Soulmate Culture, that Twin Flames inhabited the same “pod” before time began, as a single soul. At some point at the beginning of time, God split these Twin Flame pods, so that the one soul became two separate entities—the Twin Flame lovers.

It occurred to me today as I talked to my Twin Flame Twinklebear, that when we are together, we enter into a magical world that I like to call our “Christmas Pod.” I find this wholly appropriate and accurate, as when we are together, we generate this “special magic” that is otherwise not possible with other human beings. The spiritual connectedness between Twinklebear and I is so strong, so ancient and omnipresent when we are together, is akin to the special magic that Christmas has for a child.

Think of the way you felt as a child, when Christmas was so special, when snow was joyous and the season so briefly euphoric, when you enjoyed playing in subfreezing temperatures and the temperatures did not matter—and you understand the feeling I have when I am with with my Twin Flame.

When I am with Twinklbear in our Christmas Pod, the skepticism and cynicism that has built up with the mundane living of life so far, melts away, and she and I are children again. We are children again, in that there are no inhibitions, no barriers to pure joy and communication, and a sense of “play” that is denied us with other people, other than we two—pervades our existence. For each of us, the presence of the other produces this magic that is exclusive to us, that cannot be made with other people.

The “magic of Christmas” that is inherent with unsullied young children, is once again ours to savor, as we talk of anything and everything, and nothing is hidden–hidden as we have learned to do from life itself—as a necessary defense from other people other than we two. Life’s lessons have taught us well, to “hold back” from others as a survival mechanism.

This survival mechanism is not needed when Twinklebear and I are in our Christmas Pod. The inside of our pod is safe from the outside world, where love prevails and is overwhelming.

Truly, when we are in our Christmas Pod, it is the only time when we feel entirely magical—as we did as children during Christmas. That long ago time, was a time when we loved and reveled in the snow, the beautiful frigid air seemed right and loving, and the season truly magical. That is what being with my Twinklebear is like.

“When every day is like Christmas!


I love you, Twinkklebear
Forever and day
Twin Flames, Podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!