“MEMOIR: LAUGHING OUT LOUD”

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She sits there as classically beautiful as a Grecian statue of Aphrodite, with that mesmerizing profile. Then something we are talking about strikes her funny. You can hear the rumbling laughter starting in her abdomen, eventually earthquaking it’s way up to her face. And then the laughter erupts from her lovely mouth. Her head rears back, she she lets loose!

Gales of laughter!

“Hilarious!” she says in that sexy clipped British accent. And then I get caught up it it. Belly laughter on my part too, and we both can’t stop laughing! I’ve laughed more in the past three years, than I have all of my life before that! To appreciate how fantastical this is for me, you have understand how very reserved I am with others.

Twinklebear, my lovely Twin Flame, is so goddamn beautiful and wonderful when she is laughing. She becomes this ebullient fountain of pure joy as her laughter rocks the environment around her! She owns the territory surrounding her, her exhilarating laughter rendering all she sees as hers.

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FROM A PSYCHOLOGY WEBSITE

Sure, it’s fun to share a good laugh. But did you know it can actually improve your health? It’s true: laughter is strong medicine. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. As children, we used to laugh hundreds of times a day, but as adults, life tends to be more serious and laughter more infrequent. But by seeking out more opportunities for humor and laughter, you can improve your emotional health, strengthen your relationships, find greater happiness—and even add years to your life.

Why is laughter the sweetest medicine for the mind and body? Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hope….and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert. With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems….and supporting both physical and emotional health.


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What Twinklebear and I have done in fatefully re-finding each other over three years ago, was to effectively maximize our opportunities for laughter. One of the ways we are on the same soul frequency, is our matching senses of humor.

Twin Flame dogma holds that Twin Flames are twin souls split apart from a single soul by God at the beginning of time. God did this, so that each of the 72,000 Twin Flames (or Twin Souls) would have a perfect match.

Over many reincarnations, not many Twin Souls have the good fortune of re-finding their partners. The daunting factors of differing lifetimes of reincarnation, distant geographic homes, linguistic differences and age disparities seem insurmountable. But Twinklebear and I somehow made it to this lifetime together.

And as perfectly matched Twin Flames, Twinklebear and I share the same wicked, sense of sarcastic humor, with which we tease the hell out of each other, and laugh uproariously together. We also have our intimate little routines of humor, role play that is no doubt based on predetermined patterns lived over past lifetimes together.

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way

“MEMOIR: WE ARE WORTHY”

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FROM A SPIRITUAL WEBSITE

The twin flame relationship is not a regular soulmate relationship. It is the type of relationship that is sheer bliss in one moment then devastating in the next. However, if you’re in a twin flame relationship, chances are that you already know it is not an easy ride.

What starts off as a union of two souls, becomes turmoil and inner purging. Our twin flame forces us to change our old or outdated ways of thinking and acting. They shine a light over our lives and expose our insecurities, fears, doubts and everything else that has a use-by date. They don’t do this because they want to see us in pain, they do it because they believe in us and want us to become the best version of ourselves. When our core wounds emerge, the time for cleansing and healing becomes imminent. For some, the journey is long.

Twin flames choose to incarnate together. They share a core of identical energetic frequency. When you meet your twin flame, the feeling is more than just butterflies in your stomach. The pull of the connection is so intense that many twin flames report feeling physically sick or dizzy after the meeting.


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Let me be clear!

My Twin Flame journey with my Twin Soul “Twinklebear,” is a pure lovefest. I have never known a love as deep, wide and full as my love for Twinklebear. The depth and intensity of my love for her, has dwarfed any love I’ve ever had for any other woman.

That being said, the journey has been a big test for us—but we are worthy.

From day one, it seems that we were tested in a hundred different ways by emotional storms large and small. Thank God, that those earliest, most virulent storms were weathered, and put behind us by a greater understanding of who we are to each other, and of our profound love and need for the other.

The types of smaller storms that remain, manifest themselves as a persistent “tugging,” rather than the Godzillian ripping and renting forces that threatened to pull us apart limb from limb in our “early days.”

Because our Twin Flame situation is not perfect due to geographic and circumstantial factors, these “tugging storms” test our patience with the process, playing on our natural insecurities and fears. Because Twinklebear and I love each other so much, and because our circumstances are not yet ideal, our impatience brings on occasional (usually ale or Prosecco-lubricated) thoughts such as these….

“It feels like you are distancing from me….”

“I’m so afraid we’ve run our course….”

“What’s the point…we are not yet like we want to be…Waaaaa!….”

Neither Twinklebear or I are immune to these innately human emotions,
these ventings of our feelings of insecurity. We call these episodes of “being bratty.” What do brats do but cry…”Waaaaaa!” when they are really saying…”Please love me!” It is a true cry for help and love. Awww. I love my brat. Ha!

Considering the fact that we are all too human, Twinklebear and I are lucky that our Twin Flame love and relationship, is based so greatly on the spiritual realm, which is impervious to the effects of time and distance.

Twinklebear and I remind ourselves of the strong spiritual nature of our Twin Flame love and journey, and this acts as a comforting salve on our insecurities and impatience. And yet, it is one very big Earth-bound, reality based fact, that ensures our solidity and longevity as Twin Flames….

We cannot ever be without the other. We cannot live without the other.

Believe me, we have known this from day one. We might have even cursed this fact in our early days of emotional turmoil, when our worlds were turned upside down, sideways and inside out. Twinklebear—YOU—Bad Girl! I love you so much! Ha!

So you see, Twinklebear and I have been tested, and continue to be tested by The Universe, but we are impervious to the cleaving forces trying to force our hands, simply because we love and need each other so very much, too much!

We are worthy!

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!

“MEMOIR: MY WISE TWIN FLAME”

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Twinklebear says that one’s “inner core” is like the center of an onion.

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FROM A SPIRITUAL WEBSITE

I heard a professional football athlete and trainer once say, “Your health goes from your conditioning on up”. It seems that today’s fitness emphasis is on strengthening your “core”. It has been said that all of our movements are powered by the torso or core – this includes the abs and back working together as they support the spine. The torso is considered the body’s center of power. The stronger your core, the stronger the rest of you.

The same thing applies to your inner core. Every person is where they are based on the condition of their being. If your inner core is healthy, the rest of you is healthy. If your inner core is unhealthy, the same follows.

One of Henry Nouwen’s favorite paintings was of a wheel because he said it reminded him of living your life from the center. When we live our life from the “rim” of the wheel, we focus on externals – what you can see with your eye or hear with your ear. Externals will never make you strong in your inner core.



TWINKLEBEAR EXPLAINING YESTERDAY

“Here’s what I want you to understand, my Sookybear. What you are doing now after your surgeries is like what I went through after my surgery, and it takes time and patience. You are, and I still am, working on strengthening our “inner cores,” and this is different than strengthening let’s say, your biceps.

Think of your inner core as an onion. You peel away the hard outer layers, and after you get to the center, you notice that the center or “inner core” has gone soft. This inner core is what you and I are working on to get back to normal. I do it with dance and fitness exercises, and you do it with walking and martial arts.”


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How can somebody so gorgeous be so smart and wise?

Oh my God, my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” is so beautiful and sexy, and oh so smart! You saw what she imparted to me about strengthening our inner cores—and she’s right! I gave what she said a great deal of thought, and took it to heart. Her advice was so significant, that it took profound contemplation to make sense of it.

Twinklebear’s analogy of our inner cores being like the center of an onion is so clever. As she later told me, the analogy of a person’s inner core being like the core of an onion, came to her when she peeled an onion for cooking. Twinklebear’s intelligence and concept quotient is so high, that she can spontaneously have deep insights like this. She is a “clever clogs,” as they say in England. Ha!

Another valid analogy is that one’s inner core is like Earth’s inner core. Both hold the vitality of life, the former a person’s life and the latter the planet’s life.



The Earth’s inner core, is the very center of our planet’s life. This inner core shows its vitality, by its extreme temperature which is roughly 9,800 degrees Fahrenheit, which is as hot as the sun. The Earth’s inner core’s hot temperature is analogous to our inner core’s “hardness” or toughness. Perhaps you can imagine what would happen if the Earth’s inner core precipitously cooled off.

Scientists say that if the Earth’s inner core completely cooled (which won’t happen for several billion years), that it would become like Mars with a very thin atmosphere making it difficult for life to survive.

My sexy Twinklebear, is so wise as to be able to see what the epicenter of life consists of, especially during a rehab after surgery. I love my Twinklebear, so much, too much! Ha! So wise and smart. She’s a “smartarse” too.

Speaking of being wise, she is a real wisearse sometimes, another sign of her vital intelligence. It takes smarts to have a keen sense of humor. I love
our joyous and sarcastic humor! Ha! So funny!

Twinklebear, first of all……and let me tell you another thing…

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I love you Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way

“MEMOIR: ANGEL OF MERCY”

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TWINKLEBEAR: My Twin Flame is an angel of mercy.

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FROM THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER DICTIONARY

Altruistic: Having or showing an unselfish concern for the welfare of others

FROM A PSYCHOLOGY WEBSITE

“Everyone knows at least one of those people who are willing to jeopardize their own health and well-being to help others. What is it that inspires these individuals to give their time, energy….for the betterment of others, even when they receive nothing tangible in return? Altruism is one aspect of what social psychologists refer to as prosocial behavior. Prosocial behavior refers to any action that benefits other people, no matter what the motive or how the giver benefits from the action. Remember, however, that pure altruism involves true selflessness.”

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When discussing true altruism—my Twin Flame “Twinklebear” comes to mind. An off the cuff definition of an altruistic person, is a person who is so good, that she cares for the welfare of others more than her own welfare, at times to her own detriment. That in a nutshell, is my Twinklebear. However, I don’t have to search psychological textbooks to explain her altruism. There is a simpler yet more profound explanation for it.

Twinklebear is a true angel of mercy.

In the Christian tradition, an “angel of mercy” is a messenger from God, sent to Earth to help others. This is truer with respect to Twinklebear, than any psychobabble that can be found. My Baby is a true angel, pure and good. When I say to her, “You are an angel!”—I mean it in the fullest and purest meaning of the phrase.

In the tradition of true selfless angels, Twinklebear sometimes gets hurt helping others. At times, the people she helps mistake her true goodness for weakness, and perhaps try to take advantage of her. But there is no doubt in my mind, that she is an angel of mercy, and I wouldn’t want her to change for the world.

She is a far stronger and better person than some of the clueless people she helps.

I have witnessed Twinklebear have her feelings hurt by people she helps, only to regroup from the experience, and come back strong to help those same people like nothing happened. She is a truly inspiring woman!

I can’t tell you how much I admire Twinklebear for this. It is one of a thousand reasons why I love her so much. Even as I see her at times getting hurt being altruistic, she absorbs any pain and moves on, being true to herself. She is one tough lady!

A tough “angel of mercy”—golden wings flapping resolutely, in the war to benefit others. She is a true carer, a warrior of mercy from Heaven. The term “carer” these days is thrown around so casually, usually as a job description. However, in Twinklbear’s case the term “carer” carries with it, the mantle and assignment of Heaven.

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Bear Pact Forever!
Twin Flames, podmates always
12 12 12 in every way!

“MEMOIR: COLDIFIED”

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My poor baby!

My poor baby, my Twin Flame Twinklebear, is coldified. She has a bad cold which started a few days ago. Coincidentally, I’m just getting over a similar kind of cold. This is actually a hallmark of our Twin Flame journey, a Twin Flame synchronicity. More often than not starting in December of 2015, we have had colds at exactly the same time. We call these “AC colds.” “AC” is our peculiar code for Twin Flame.

Twinklebear and I believe that these AC colds are spiritually related because of our Twin Flame connection, which is so super strong. However, these particular colds which we currently have (her) or are getting over (me), are just coincidental.

Awwww…my poor baby!

My poor Twinklebear. Hey, poor me too! We both hate colds so much. People say, “Hey, it’s only a cold.” That is true. Colds are not really dangerous infections.

But colds feel so awful!

But there is a backstory to why I wanted to write about these current colds, besides how badly I feel for my baby—my poor baby! Three months ago, I came down with a cold. It seemed to resolve within a few days, but then certain symptoms persisted. Sinus headaches, that ticklish feeling in the back of my throat which indicates drainage from my sinuses, a cough which resulted from that post-nasal drip.

This went on for weeks, and then months. But through reading about these persistent symptoms, I discovered that i probably had chronic sinusitis with a post-nasal drip. I decided to be proactive (and that did not include seeing a doctor for a cold–I’ve never done that) and follow the advice given in articles about chronic sinusitis.

The best advice in those articles, was to hold one’s head over a humidifier with a towel over one head, to maximize the exposure to the steam. It was also advised to incorporate an essential oil like eucalyptus in the steamed air. I didn’t have a humidifier, so I had to get one.

I bought a warm mist humidifier and used it along with the mixing of the steam with an essential oil. I started using the humidifier, but instead of an essential oil like eucalyptus, I used Vick’s Vaposteam, which has the same effect. In order to get the most effective treatment, I tented a shirt over my head over the humidified air mixed with the Vaposteam. I’ve done this several times a day.

Then, after three months of experiencing these on and off “coldified” symptoms, my current cold went away. Miraculously, so had the symptoms of the chronic sinusitis.

Today, I had the distinct pleasure of being able to lie down in bed, to read my book, Jack Weatherford’s “Genghis Khan and The Quest For God.” I had not been able to enjoy this simple pleasure since early October, because lying down made me feel like I had to suppress a cough.

So, as I feel total sympathy for my baby because of her cold, I am happy to have gotten over cold symptoms that have persisted since early October. In the meantime, let me say to Twinklebear….

Awwwww…my poor baby! Awwww…I love you.

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!

“MEMOIR: MY BELOVED BRAT”

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CONFIDENTIAL NOTE

This is a confidential look into the very inner sanctum of my Twin Flame journey with my Twin Flame, “Twinklebear.” Normally, the inner workings and interactions between Twinklebear and I in this inner sanctum, are private to the nth degree. However, in an effort to edify Twin Flame scholars all over the world, I am allowing this limited and brief look into this sacred ground.

The other possible result of this privileged allowance—an unintended consequence if you will—is that Twinklebear will kill me in an extremely slow and painful way with her ‘Donking Rolling Pin.’

“SIGH”…what I do for science…

To illustrate the theme of this memoir, I am going to cite two conversations that Twinklebear and I had. The first took place yesterday. The second took place a few weeks ago. I must provide some background regarding yesterday’s conversation, so that you can understand it in context:

I’ve been recovering from a cold for the past few days, and although it was substantially better by yesterday, yesterday was still a day when I had a sinus headache accompanied by gastrointestinal upset. Most of yesterday was occupied with lying in bed, trying to sleep away the sinus headache and secondary upset stomach


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YESTERDAY
4:35 AM:
ME: “Baby, that tea made my tummy queasy. I’m going to veg and let it settle. I’ll see you later. I love you”

4:05 PM:
ME: “Hi Baby, how was your day?”

TWINKLEBEAR: “I felt like you were not keen on me today! Where were you?”

ME: “You silly billy, I love you more than ever! I was not feeling well baby, and then I watched the Jets game. The game just ended.”

TWINKLEBEAR: “You told me the game was on at 1:00 PM. What about before then? Waaaaaaa!

ME: “But I wasn’t feeling well.”

TWINKLEBEAR: “But that didn’t stop you from watching TV!”

ME: “Awww…you are such a brat! I love my brat! Awwwww….”

TIWNKLEBEAR: “Waaa! I know! I love you too.”

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THREE WEEKS AGO

ME: “Waaaa! I feel like we’re drifting! We’re not seeing each other enough!”

TWINKLEBEAR: “Oh, you’re being a silly billy! We’re not drifting. It’s just that I have to get my swimming exercise at the pool in on certain days. We make up the time for those days. I feel compelled to stay in condition after my surgery last year. Awwww..I love you my Sookybear, you silly sausage!

ME: “I know, I was just being insecure–a brat! Waaaa!”

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Before Twinklebear starts swinging her “Donking Rolling Pin,” let me just say that when Twinklebear is being a brat, I find it strangely endearing. Awwww, my Twinklebear, I am so in love with you.

Twinklebear and I know that one of us acts like a brat, it is a deep expression of love and need that is certainly an integral part of our Twin Flame journey. It is not inherent in the generic Twin Flame journey, but it is uniquely a part of ours.

Really, in our Twin Flame journey it harkens back to a time of childhood innocence, when emotions are displayed unfiltered in their totality. Perhaps our being the “babies of the family” has something to do with it. One of the Twin Flame “coincidences” (known as a type of “Twin Flame synchronicity”), is that we are both the youngest of four siblings. Another is that we were both “preemies”—premature births by 5 or 6 weeks.

In the Twin Flame World, there are no coincidences.

When either of us is being a brat, momentary bewilderment may occur in the other, followed by pure love and adoration. I find it so endearing when my Twinklbear acts like a brat. Awwwww….I love my beloved brat!

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, podmates always
Bear Pact Forevever!
12 12 12 in every way!

“MEMOIR: DEAR SANTA”

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LETTER I WROTE IN 2015

Dear Santa,

What I really want for Christmas is a Twin Flame. I’ve wanted one ever since I read about what Twin Flames are. Whaddya ya mean, “What’s a Twin Flame?” What, you don’t have internet in the North Pole? What’s up with that?

Okay, a Twin Flame is a one of a kind soulmate who is special made—special ordered by God, if you will—who is the only person in the Universe that you can be totally open and honest with. Supposedly, God split up these 72,000 couples at the dawn of time (hey, I’m goin’ by what’s in the Bible, okay?) to form 144,000 “Twins.” These Twins are from the same single soul, before they were split up by the Big Guy.

Santa, it would be really special if you could give me my Twin Flame for Christmas, and for all days, of course! I’ve read that Twins have such a special and close relationship, that isn’t possible with non-Twins. I yearn for that person who makes my days so joyful, that they remind of the unfettered joys of childhood. I want to share this with someone, someone who I can be silly and childlike, and funny without barriers, and be myself

If I could be presumptuous in my request Santa, it sure wouldn’t hurt if my Twin were hot! Please make her sexy? Oh yeah, baby! And maybe exotic! What do I mean by exotic? Ummm…no, not Nigerian. How about a beautiful busty blonde Brit? Yeah! I love those English accents, so sexy!

And I want her to have a wicked sense of humor to match mine. Pleased make her sarcastic and funny…and quick witted! Awwww…that would be great!

Thank you Santa!

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LETTER I WROTE ON CHRISTMAS EVE 2018

Dear Santa,

Thank you for granting my Christmas wishes from three years ago!

My Twin that you sent me, my gorgeous Twinklebear, is all that I asked for in my 2015 letter! She is smart as a wicked whip, with a cutting yet loving sense of humor.

And so sexy and beautiful! Omg, that face and body! Such a turn-on she is, and what a classical beauty. All that and Einstein brains too!

Our days are spent sharing everything, we are that close. I never dreamt that I could be so close to another human being, that all my defenses and barriers I have naturally with others, would fall. We can and do talk about anything!

Santa, I do have one complaint, though. Did you have include a “Donking Rolling Pin” with the package. The package itself, was great even without it!

“DONK”

Hey, owww!

Thank you anyway Santa, and Merry Christmas!

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I love you, Twinklebear
Forever and a day
Twin Flames, Podmates awlays.
Bear Pact Forever!
12 12 12 in every way!